Short jokes
What do alcoholics and necrophiliacs have in common?
They both like cracking open a cold one.
Why is bacon called bacon and cookies called cookies if you cook bacon and bake cookies?
Where do poor Italians live?
The spaghetto.
My wife said I have no sense of direction.
I said, "Where did that come from?"
Roses are red,
Violets are blue, I’d rather be single than with someone like you.
What do you call it when a drunk cowgirl falls off her stool at the bar?
A hoedown.
What do you call two gay Irishmen?
Patrick Fitz Gerald, and Gerald Fitz Patrick.
Don't do suicide shit. Nearly killed me, tbh. 🙏🙏🙏🙏
Why did the drum take a nap? It was beat.
Why is the German blind?
Because he's a "not see."
What did the elephant say to the naked man?
"How do you breathe through something so small?"
I was driving and accidentally hit a crippled kid. They were still breathing, so I told them to walk it off.
A hamburger walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "I'm sorry. We don't serve food here."
It's not rape if they can't say no. Duct tape.
This girl came to me and said, "I got raped in my sleep!"
I replied, "I done it as a joke."
-April 1, 2020
I can’t believe it’s been over a year since Kobe decided he’s too good to wait in traffic.
You have a six-minute timer to live, but when you breathe, it resets.
This is so sad, Alexa, play Despacito.
How did Reese eat her cereal? - Witherspoon!
What's the difference between a cranky two-year-old and a duckling? One is a whiny toddler, and the other is a tiny waddler.