Short jokes
What do a convention of nerds and Kurt Cobain's garage have in common?
There's brains all over the place.
Badass Toilet Paper Company: We don't take shit off of anyone.
I was going to make a rape joke, but I don’t think you would’ve given me consent.
This homeless lady called me ugly, so I told her, "Okay, then I'm going home."
My crush: "I cut 4 inches off my hair yesterday." Me: "So?" My crush: "4 inches is a lot!" Me: "Oh yeah?"
My mind was blown when I saw all the people waving at me.
-JFK
If you kill an orphan, would that count as a squad wipe?
Why can't homosexuals get car insurance?
They've been rear-ended too many times.
What do you call a dead pine tree? A Nevergreen!
A horse walks into a bar. Several people get up and leave, realizing the potential danger in the situation.
Why was Sally at the hospital after her parents left? Because they put her up for adoption.
Why did the farmer name his pig Ink?
Because he kept on running out of the pen.
How did the computer get out of the house?
He used windows.
Say this out loud: Alpha Kenny One.
What do you call Mexicans in a band trying to be a white band?
"Juan Direction."
Me: Have you ever tried African food?
You: No.
Me: They haven't either.
Why can't religious women be raped? Because they are taught to never say no!
What war did Africa not win? The water fight.
I got my daughter a fridge for her birthday.
I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it.
A couple of cows were smoking a joint and playing cards...
The steaks were pretty high.