Short jokes
Why do prostitutes love servicing zombies? They always leave a tip.
You're the sriracha to my hoisin sauce.
And together, we are pho-ever.
If you were to drop an emo and a leaf off a tree, who would hit the ground first?
The leaf, because the emo is always hanging.
How do you make sure a rape victim doesn’t testify against you?
Kill her first.
Your lips are so big, it turns the Grand Canyon sideways.
What is at the end of a rainbow?
The w.
Why do we even live? We're just gonna die anyway, so what's the point?
I named my dog "5 miles" so when I walk him, I can say I walked 5 miles.
Random guy: I ran over 5 miles.
I mess up goats for unicorns?
Jimmy the Unicorn or goat.
I don't even know.
You're so small that when you go to the doctor, he doesn’t know you're there.
What takes 10 seconds to go SLPAT! on the ground?
9/11 victim!
Why was the tamale in the hospital? Because he was a "tamalito."
"Where did you learn to do bookkeeping?"
"Yale."
"And what was your name again?"
"Yackson."
You know you have twisted humor when you crack a smile when a Minecraft farmer says he separates the white sheep from the colored ones.
When you breathe.
I was gonna tell you a sodium joke, but Na, only I thought it was so dium funny.
Jack and his kids went to the lake, and his mother wants him to go swimming. You know what he says? "Back where you came from!"
I saw twins. I’m just waiting for those planes.
You will find Taylor Swift on the streets before you find your hairline.
Asking for a friend, could anyone please tell me how to politely ask a question for a friend?