Short jokes
My sister is pregnant, I'm gonna be a dad.
Yeah, you can call me daddy, son.
Knock knock. Who's there? Parents. Parents who? That's what an orphan would say.
They made a horror movie about the Chinese president.
It's called "Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey."
What do you call a homeless Hitler?
A roofless dictator.
What's the same with shoes and slaves?
When they get loose, you tie them up.
My mom wanted me to build her a shed for her useless things, then she told me to go live in it.
Why wasn't the infant's entire body found?
Because the limbs are scattered around 43°17.7355’N, 113°58.4205’W.
Your mom is so fat that when she fell on the sidewalk, nobody laughed, but the sidewalk cracked up.
What's the difference between intelligence and apathy?
I don't know! I don't care!
What do you call a cleaning skeleton?
The Grim Sweeper.
I don't understand why, when I went to the shooting range today, the police came. Like, bro, I always go to elementary schools.
Why don’t midgets fight? They walk away to be the bigger man.
I tried to come up with a funny pun about squirrels, but all my ideas were nuts.
I wrote down a speech at home yesterday.
When I got to school, I was speechless.
Q. What's an orphan's favorite South Park episode?
A. The anti-Family Guy episode.
My mom said don't fuck whores.
So I kicked my step sis out the house.
Did you hear about the magician who did magic with chocolate?
I heard he had loads of Twix up his sleeve.
Why was the Tower of Pisa always leaning?
Cuz it wanted better accuracy than the Twin Towers.
Who is the man behind all lives matter?
Michael Jackson.
Next time you see a Brit, go up to them and say:
"Imagine losing a 'Tea Party in Boston.'"