Short jokes
My sister is pregnant, I'm gonna be a dad.
Yeah, you can call me daddy, son.
Knock knock. Who's there? Parents. Parents who? That's what an orphan would say.
I showed my girlfriend my taser. She was stunned.
I was driving and accidentally hit a crippled kid. They were still breathing, so I told them to walk it off.
What do you call an emo kid with light up shoes?
A human chandelier.
What is the difference between Batman and a black man?
Batman can go out at night without Robin.
What do lesbians do while having their period?
They finger paint.
What makes an ISIS joke funny?
The execution.
I finally know why my brain doesn't work!
On the left side, there's nothing right, and on the right side, there's nothing left.
Why was the snowman smiling?
Because he saw the snow blower coming down the street.
Government Briefing:
Joe Biden had a meeting with the cabinet today...
...He also spoke to the bookcase and argued with the desk.
I have a dog named Syndrome.
But it gets kinda awkward when he jumps on someone and I have to shout, "DOWN SYNDROME!"
Roses are red,
Violets are blue, Iād rather be single than with someone like you.
What do you call two female lovers spying on the government?
Lesbionage.
What has four legs and one arm?
A Rottweiler in a childrenās playground.
It's not rape if they can't say no. Duct tape.
A hamburger walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "I'm sorry. We don't serve food here."
How did Reese eat her cereal? - Witherspoon!
What is sprinkled around the PokƩmon floor? Oh right. Ash's ashes.
What's the difference between a cranky two-year-old and a duckling? One is a whiny toddler, and the other is a tiny waddler.