Short jokes
You know what’s odd?
Every other number.
What does Michael Jackson and a lion have in common?
They're both predators.
My cock was in the book of world records...
The librarian told me to take it out.
There was an air crash of a Boeing 737-800 which can carry around 300 passengers.
It crashed in a cemetery.
They recovered 500 bodies.
All you need is a razor blade in life.
What is Beethoven doing now?
Decomposing.
What was the last hat Princess Diana wore?
A bonnet.
Yo mama so fat, when she joined NASA, they put her in orbit and the next day there was a lunar eclipse.
Why do women have cleaner minds than men? Because they change theirs more often.
I went to the National Redhead Meeting yesterday.
Not a soul in sight.
Roses are red, grass is greener. When I think of you, I play with my wiener.
Why does a movie set say "break a leg"? Because they have a cast.
Why is the sea salty?
Because the land never waves back.
I was hit on by President Kennedy, too bad I shot him down.
When Stephen Hawking found out about physics, he was speechless.
What place can you always find suicidal cows at?
"McDonald's."
If tomatoes are a fruit, does that mean ketchup is a smoothie?
Your adopted.
Two cows standing in a paddock, one says, "Moo." The other turns to him and says, "I was just going to say that!"
What's better than winning gold at the Paralympics?
Not being retarded.