Short jokes
They always say you are what you eat! So I’d be nothing. That sounds about right.
What was found under MJ's pillow after he died?
Billy's jeans.
What do a relationship and suicidal thought have in common? They’ll both end soon.
Friend: Stop with the self harm jokes, they're not funny.
Me: It's not that deep. I'll cut it out.
Why do kids prefer to spend more time with their dad than their mom?
They already know that their dad is gonna get "Milk" and never return.
Your hairline looks like the McDonald's sign M.
Maths...
....Addition, frustration, subtraction, aggression, depression.
Why does Michael Jackson like Doge Miner? He thinks it's about minors dressed in doge costumes.
I thought I saw Jojo Siwa... no wait, it's your hairline.
How many hookers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One, cause they'll screw anything.
I tend to think my ‘depression’ is for attention. I guess I have depressed depression.
Sir, I mustache you a question...
Ah, never mind, I'll just shave it for later.
Seat belts are like the condom for cars.
Did you hear about the magician who did magic with chocolate?
I heard he had loads of Twix up his sleeve.
I don't understand why, when I went to the shooting range today, the police came. Like, bro, I always go to elementary schools.
Why did Mary have a little lamb? Because a big one was too much in bed.
Why wasn't the infant's entire body found?
Because the limbs are scattered around 43°17.7355’N, 113°58.4205’W.
Your mom is so fat that when she fell on the sidewalk, nobody laughed, but the sidewalk cracked up.
My teacher said, "I'm gonna leave soon, I don't want to be here anymore!" So I shot her.
Why don’t witches wear underwear?
To get a better grip on their broom.