Short jokes
Why is it a bad idea to eat a clock? Because it's so time-consuming.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue, I’d rather be single than with someone like you.
Government Briefing:
Joe Biden had a meeting with the cabinet today...
...He also spoke to the bookcase and argued with the desk.
What’s the difference between white people and Black people?
One runs from the police, one runs for the police.
What did the elephant say to the naked man?
"How do you breathe through something so small?"
Cheap oil, no immigration, and no school shootings.
Corona did what Trump promised.
My wife said I have no sense of direction.
I said, "Where did that come from?"
Stephen Hawking once stood up to bow down to Chuck Norris.
Ruin a quote by attributing it to the wrong person.
"Don't cry because it is over. Smile because it happened." -Adolf Hitler, 1945.
Why are there no pharmacies in Africa?
Because you can't have medicine on an empty stomach.
What do alcoholics and necrophiliacs have in common?
They both like cracking open a cold one.
What do cheap hotels and designer jeans have in common?
No ballroom.
What do you call two gay Irishmen?
Patrick Fitz Gerald, and Gerald Fitz Patrick.
Don't do suicide shit. Nearly killed me, tbh. 🙏🙏🙏🙏
Why did the drum take a nap? It was beat.
What's the difference between my car and a school bus? A school bus takes them back home.
My mom asks, "How did you do this?" Me: "Naw, I did it with a fork. WHAT D'YA THINK?-"
Someone said to stop hurting myself, but I'm still trying to cut my arms off.
Q: What is a lesbian's version of a cock block?
A: A beaver dam.
How many hookers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One, cause they'll screw anything.