Short jokes
4, 6, 8, and 9 have all been killed. 2, 3, 5, 7, and 11 are the prime suspects.
Why is the sea salty?
Because the land never waves back.
What was the last hat Princess Diana wore?
A bonnet.
You're so short, when you were born, the doctor couldn't tell if you were a boy, a girl, or a Jimmy Dean pork sausage.
Why don't North Koreans like jazz music?
Because they don't have soul.
So I got asked why I suddenly started wearing a beret, and I said, "Well, you never know when you need to pick a lock."
I was hit on by President Kennedy, too bad I shot him down.
Teacher: What's your favorite animal?
Me: Desert Eagle.
Teacher: Why?
Me: 'Cause it fits in my backpack.
What's better than winning gold at the Paralympics?
Not being retarded.
I went to the zoo the other day. The only animal there was a dog. It was a Shih-tzu (shit zoo).
Oh, my fat joke offended you? Which one of your chins did I hurt?
My ex-wife was deaf. She left me for a deaf friend of hers.
To be honest, I should have seen the signs.
Why aren't koalas actual bears?
Because they don't meet the koalafications.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to have a little fun.
Jack got mad and kicked Jill in the ass because she couldn't make him cum.
Go commit Thanos finger snap.
My dad always wanted one last smoke before his death, so we smoked his ashes.
Why did the rape victim think it was Christmas?
Because her clothes were torn off like wrapping paper.
What is the difference between a baby and a watermelon?
One is a refreshing summertime snack; the other one is a watermelon.
What is the difference between the rook and the bishop? The rook goes straight, while the bishop moves diagonally.
Why does the nurse need a red pen?
In case she has to draw blood.