Short jokes
Oh, my fat joke offended you? Which one of your chins did I hurt?
What are some other names for rape? There’s the classic “struggle snuggle,” but then there’s my personal favorite “fuck fight”.
What do you call an emo kid with light up shoes?
A human chandelier.
I showed my girlfriend my taser. She was stunned.
I was driving and accidentally hit a crippled kid. They were still breathing, so I told them to walk it off.
When the US Army found Chinese soldiers selling secrets to China, they said, "Looks like we have some chinks in our armor."
I finally know why my brain doesn't work!
On the left side, there's nothing right, and on the right side, there's nothing left.
My dad told me he only drinks on days that start with a "T":
Tuesday, Thursday, today, tomorrow.
Roses are red, eggs come in a dozen, do I need to revive Hitler to teach you how to use a goddamn oven?
What makes an ISIS joke funny?
The execution.
What is the difference between Batman and a black man?
Batman can go out at night without Robin.
What’s worse than George Bush doing 9/11? Jeffrey Epstein doing nine Elevens.
What’s the difference between Disney+ and P*rnhub?
Disney+ wants you to hate your stepmother.
What's the difference between Carrie Underwood and a robot?
A robot can feign empathy.
I asked my North Korean friend how it is to live there.
He said he couldn't complain.
The CEO of IKEA was just elected Prime Minister in Sweden.
He should have his cabinet together by the end of the weekend.
What do you call a Muslim guy in a bathtub?
A bath bomb 💣
What has four legs and one arm?
A Rottweiler in a children’s playground.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue, I’d rather be single than with someone like you.
Government Briefing:
Joe Biden had a meeting with the cabinet today...
...He also spoke to the bookcase and argued with the desk.