Short jokes
Did you hear about the blind prostitute?
Well, you gotta hand it to her.
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."
Shit! My neighborhood barber just got arrested for selling drugs! I've been his customer for 4 years, but I had no idea he was a barber.
Why do people keep on making jokes about the twin towers?
Because they go down so well.
Why was the emo kid sad? Because his bar code expired.
Why does Michael Jackson wear a white glove?
So he won't bite his fingers when he eats a tootsie roll.
I bought a book for my blind friend.
Why couldn't the astronaut put the helmet on his head?
Because he didn't have enough space.
What does an imouto ride?
Onii-san.
My wife wanted a present that could go from zero to 80 very quickly.
So I got her a new set of bathroom scales.
When the school shooter is right outside the classroom window, and the autistic kid starts trying to say hello to him.
And that concludes your French oral. You can put your trousers back up, and I'll see you on Monday.
I have the best life coach ever, because he taught me to not care. He did it so well that he died last week, and I still don’t care.
Did you hear about the cannibal who passed his brother in the woods?
Technically, we have all been deeper in our mom than our dads have.
Someone at school judged my grammar.
I judged theirs by the terms "school" and "rifle range" being mixed up the next day.
I love Muslims, they are great at parties!
They have the best fireworks.
If Shaq had a boat, he would name it "Freethrow," because he would never sink it.
What do you call a gay dinosaur?
A stego-sore-ass.
Why were the people in the Twin Towers such good readers?
They went through 110 stories in 10 seconds.