Short jokes
"Hey, you! Why are you so serious?"
Why don't rappers use the subway?
Because they don't want to miss their next rhyme.
What goes oOoOo on your breath that scared away the animals from the farm?
What’s the difference between a cancer patient and a British news reporter in the South?
They usually don’t live to tell the tale.
What do you call a baby with red curry fried hair?
A baby using a potato peeler and a comb.
What do you call Panera bread when it’s on top of someone?
Panera head.
So I went to my friend's house and he told me to make myself at home, so I kicked him out. I don't like visitors.
When a pregnant lady gives birth, it looks like she is having an erection.
My grandma stubbed her toe in an elevator on September 21st.
Remember kids, when you're angry, burn down an orphanage. Then they'll really be living the hard knock life.
You're so skinny that every time you get an X-ray, you call it a selfie.
Your hairline is so long that sometimes even the president doesn't know where it ends.
I have a taste for some roast duck until the feathers will pop right out and say, "Quack, quack."
What do you say when you sister's annoying you?
Go oasis (go away sis)!
You bring everyone so much joy when you leave the room.
Wee dyslexic boy and girl in class.
Wee boy says, "Can you smell gas?"
Wee girl replies, "I canny even smell my name!"
Boy: Hello, Mom, can I have $50?
Mom: Does it look like I am made of money?
Boy: That's what M.O.M. means, right?
Hey, I broke up with your girl.
-Me: What? Why?
Wait, what?
-Me: You f**ked her, so it's your baby.
The other day my brother hit me. I yelled for mom. No one responded.
Dude, I lied.