Why did Shakespeare only write using quills?
Pencils confused him: 2b or not 2b.
Short Jokes
Why is it a bad idea to eat a clock? Because it's so time-consuming.
A new drug has been developed for lesbians with depression.
It’s called Trycoxagain.
What do you call two gay Irishmen?
Patrick Fitz Gerald, and Gerald Fitz Patrick.
My grandma asked me if I could visit her.
I told her no, I don’t like graveyards.
Don't do suicide shit. Nearly killed me, tbh. 🙏🙏🙏🙏
Roses are red,
Violets are blue, there's always someone who's better than you.
Roses are red, violets are blue, you have a big forehead, and your hairline recedes too.
What do you call it when a drunk cowgirl falls off her stool at the bar?
A hoedown.
Q: Do you know why transgender people are good at being carpenters?
A: Because they have more experience cutting off their wood.
I'd tell a necrophilia joke, but they've been done to death.
A depressed man buys a gun for suicide, but then thinks, "maybe I shouldn't be doing this," and asks a friend for help. He returns with a rope.
Q: What's the difference between LeBron James and a priest?
A: The size of balls they play with.
When the orphan got a job as a priest, what was his name?
Father Les.
Your mum is so old that when I told her to act her age, she died.
Friends: "You wanna hang with us?"
Me: "No, I wanna hang myself."
You learn from the best.
My heart says to stop because it hurts.
Bro, chill. It's really not that deep.
Sir, I mustache you a question...
Ah, never mind, I'll just shave it for later.
Seat belts are like the condom for cars.
Stormtrooper: What should we do with this coffee?
Palpatine: Brew it!
