Short jokes
Ruin a quote by attributing it to the wrong person.
"Don't cry because it is over. Smile because it happened." -Adolf Hitler, 1945.
Why are there no pharmacies in Africa?
Because you can't have medicine on an empty stomach.
My wife cheated on me with my brother.
She didn't have a sister, so I improvised, and now all I have to do is wait nine months for one to come.
Why did Hitler turn to genocide after a failed career as an artist?
He never learned to mix the colors.
Michael Jackson so white, I turned blind.
What's Joe Biden's favorite arcade game?
Space Invaders.
How to respond if someone starts looking at the photos on your phone.
Step 1: Jab your thumbs into their eye sockets.
Do you get jealous of your clothes when they hang from the line?
Cheer up! Old age doesn't last that long!
They always say you are what you eat! So Iβd be nothing. That sounds about right.
What was found under MJ's pillow after he died?
Billy's jeans.
Why was the Tower of Pisa always leaning?
Cuz it wanted better accuracy than the Twin Towers.
A missile hit a hospital earlier this morning. Fortunately, no one was injured - but 100 were killed.
Who is the man behind all lives matter?
Michael Jackson.
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite toy?
Hot Wheels.
Sir, I mustache you a question...
Ah, never mind, I'll just shave it for later.
My mom wanted me to build her a shed for her useless things, then she told me to go live in it.
I told my psychiatrist I was going to go kill myself. He asked if I was paying for this appointment in check or cash.
Why did the hooker quit her job?
She had a nut allergy.
I realized that a really bad joke and my life are the exact same thing.