Short jokes
Note to all moms of teens, keep a dog. That way, someone is excited to see you!
I have more STDs than Hicks has friends at the moment. I only have one.
I just overheard this but:
How do you make a party in space?
You planet.
Tell someone to say "alpha" and then "kenny one". Tell them to say it very fast. Tell them it sounded like they said, "I'll fuck anyone!"
What's a similarity between Harvey Weinstein's pants and American bombs?
They both drop unannounced and leave mass casualties.
A man walks into a bar carrying a big chunk of asphalt and says to the bartender, “Make mine a double Scotch and one more for the road.”
Q: Why do I always see gays in the roundabout?
A: They couldn’t go straight.
Which school supply is king of the classroom? A ruler.
This is my fidget spinner, I got it in my Easter basket.
Your mom is so fat, she looks like she ate the marshmallow from Ghostbusters.
How many cops does it take to push a black man down a flight of stairs?
None, he fell.
Why do orphans become criminals?
To feel what it is like to be wanted.
What do blonde chicks and Asians have in common?
They both drive with their blinker on.
Why can you say "Kobe" even though you missed?
Because he didn't land either.
Q. What do you call a rich person who is in a vegetative state?
A. A loaded potato.
I know this isn't an orphan joke, but I didn't know where to say it, so yeah.
I threw a nut at the allergy table and screamed, "YES, TRIPLE KILL!"
What's the difference between a magician and a chorus line?
The magician has a cunning array of stunts!
A: What did the podiatrist say to the double amputee?
Q: Sorry, but I can't help you.
Oliver Savagê.
"If your enemy is kicking your ass, blame it on the lag."
-- Sun Tzu, The Art of War