Short jokes

Why did the bank robber shoot the man with no arms?

Because he told the man to put his hands up.

A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."

I have the best life coach ever, because he taught me to not care. He did it so well that he died last week, and I still don’t care.

I love Muslims, they are great at parties!

They have the best fireworks.

I wanted to be an astronaut, but my parents always told me when I was little that the sky was the limit.

What does an imouto ride?

Onii-san.

Why do people keep on making jokes about the twin towers?

Because they go down so well.

If Shaq had a boat, he would name it "Freethrow," because he would never sink it.

Why was the emo kid sad? Because his bar code expired.

Why does Michael Jackson wear a white glove?

So he won't bite his fingers when he eats a tootsie roll.

I bought a book for my blind friend.

Technically, we have all been deeper in our mom than our dads have.

And that concludes your French oral. You can put your trousers back up, and I'll see you on Monday.

You know if you go to Wal-Mart, and go to the milk section, you might just find your dads.

I nailed my sister's... picture on the wall.

You dirty-minded bastard!

When the school shooter is right outside the classroom window, and the autistic kid starts trying to say hello to him.

Did you hear about the cannibal who passed his brother in the woods?

My wife wanted a present that could go from zero to 80 very quickly.

So I got her a new set of bathroom scales.

Violence against women is funny :)

What do you call a gay dinosaur?

A stego-sore-ass.