Short jokes
How did the man with no arms commit suicide?
We'll never know - he didn't leave a note.
Things to kids:
Dragapult: "Ooh, look! Some ammo."
A Good Parent: "My baby!"
Michael Jackson: (HeeHee)
I'm so depressed that when I smile, my Face ID doesn't recognize me.
My heart says to stop because it hurts.
Bro, chill. It's really not that deep.
My friends were worried that I was making suicide jokes so much, so I said, "Don't worry, you won't have to hear them much longer."
I was walking today and I saw an emo with a noose looking up at a tree. I simply said, "Hang on there, bud!"
What do you say when you see your TV floating away at night?
"Drop it, Jamal!"
Why did the feminist fail algebra?
She couldn’t solve inequalities.
John Lennon: "What a nice view."
John walked outside.
He got shot.
:skull:
Fortnite is just like high school. You get off the bus and start shooting everybody.
What is six inches, has nuts, and is hard?
A sinkers bar.
Women treat me like a god.
They ignore me till they need something.
Me: Wanna hear a joke about my chin?
Friend: Nah, dude. It'll be too long.
Why did the lemon 🍋 go to the doctor 👩⚕️?
Because he had a sour stomach.
I feel bad for shopping carts. They're always being pushed around.
What do you call a nosy pepper?
Jalapeno.
Why is a wet pavement like playing music?
If you don't C sharp, you'll B flat.
Q: How are Clocks like Pedophiles? A: They both stop at 12.
How do you find out if your kid is gay?
Lock him in a closet and if he comes out, he's gay. If not, he's dead straight.
I was told to burn calories, so I threw your mom in the fire.