Short jokes
I'm so depressed that when I smile, my Face ID doesn't recognize me.
A depressed man buys a gun for suicide, but then thinks, "maybe I shouldn't be doing this," and asks a friend for help. He returns with a rope.
My heart says to stop because it hurts.
Bro, chill. It's really not that deep.
Things to kids:
Dragapult: "Ooh, look! Some ammo."
A Good Parent: "My baby!"
Michael Jackson: (HeeHee)
Is it still stand-up comedy if the comedian doesn't have legs?
What do you call Hitler speeding?
The Fast and the Fuherous.
I took an hour-long shower. The German officers were looking at me kinda scared.
Where do poor Italians live?
The spaghetto.
You should know how important it is to wash your sex toys.
That's why priests invented baptism.
My girlfriend just broke up with me for talking about video games too much. What a stupid thing to Fallout 4.
Roses are red, violets are blue, you have a big forehead, and your hairline recedes too.
I'm starting a new charity where homosexuals help the extremely handicapped.
I'm calling it "Fruits and Vegetables".
I'd tell a necrophilia joke, but they've been done to death.
My grandma asked me if I could visit her.
I told her no, I don’t like graveyards.
what's another name for cumming inside of a woman?
loading the dishwasher.
I banged a German chick one time. I tried anal and asked her to rate the experience. She kept yelling "9! 9! 9!"
Me: I look up to you.
Friend: Wow, thanks!
Me: But in general cuz your so tall.
I feel bad for shopping carts. They're always being pushed around.
Why did the lemon 🍋 go to the doctor 👩⚕️?
Because he had a sour stomach.
If Iron Man and Quicksilver teamed up,
They would be alloys.