Short jokes

What do you say when you see your TV floating away at night?

"Drop it, Jamal!"

I was walking today and I saw an emo with a noose looking up at a tree. I simply said, "Hang on there, bud!"

He is looking for children. If you don't know who EDP445 is, look him up.

Be careful around EDP445.

I was told to burn calories, so I threw your mom in the fire.

My son asked me how I'm so clean, "inside out." I told him because of bleach. The next day, I found him drinking the bleach.

Why do I have to go to a shooting range when I can go to school and do it for free?

Parents: "I'm taking your toys to the orphanage." Kid: "Why?" Parents: "So you don't get bored there."

My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer. I'm not too worried, I think she's jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf....ftysrrtfgbjysou34w45pjr578v

Smile, because it confuses people. Smile, because it’s easier than explaining what is killing you inside.

Do you know what you first feel when you shoot someone?

The recoil.

Where did JFK go in his car? I am not sure of his intentional destination, but he did go everywhere.

So the teacher goes up to you and says, "I'm going to call your parents." Me: "Good luck finding them."

If things don't get better, the Christmas lights won't be the only thing hanging.

The weirdest thing happened to me today. I was driving 50 mph and hit a speed bump and it screamed!

When Kenney goes down on his mom, does he taste vegetable or fish?

What do you call a lesbian with braces? A box cutter.

Why are Egyptian gods orphans?

Because Egypt needs to sell Anubis (a new bus) every year to make a prophet.

I looked up "I have whiplash" on WebMD, and it diagnosed me with slavery.

The orphan started crying at school when he got suspended and had to go home.

I'm not saying you're inbred. I'm just saying you're a textbook example of why consanguineous marriage might not be the best idea.