Short jokes
My girlfriend told me she’s sad because she’s put on a bit of weight.
I told her to keep her chins up.
Why did a Mexican go to Home Depot?
Because he thought it said "Home Deport."
When a 68 year old teacher says: "I am going to tackle an intruder if I have to!"
Me: "Oh hell nah"
What's another place orphans can't work at besides SC Johnson?
The Home Depot.
Have you heard about the new cereal?
It's called "Prostituties."
They don't snap, crackle, or pop, but they sure do bang!
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Why did Jeffrey get blood on his shoe?
Because this teen just started her period!
Messi is really messy.
What’s something you can say to a waiter, but not your wife?
"Does this come with anything?"
Q: Why is it good being an orphan?
A: Because the family sized bag is all there's.
Boys eat Frito Bandito, but men eat Guido Bandito.
Another condom name is "Orphan's Home."
I'm dying... sike, I lied. You thought I died!
If humanity were to nominate the gayest country in the world, it would be Tel Aviv, honestly.
What's big and round?
Mine and not yours.
"Daveon, stop screaming for help because I broke your kneecaps!"
Why did the rapper wear a watch to the studio?
He wanted to make TIMELESS TRACKS.
What do Princess Diana and the Beatles have in common?
They both made quite an impact in Europe.
What plate goes to Bikini Bottom?
Malaysia Flight 370.