Short jokes
When it's ready for pickup today, I have to get my stimulus payment for a while, and then we'll go to bed... 🥱🥹🥺
Q: How do you know when Putin is lying?
A: His lips move.
I was walking to the park and a mystery killer came and shot me.
Everything disappears in the Bermuda Triangle.
Except my depression.
Yo mama is so stupid that she studied for a COVID test.
My bf: Knock knock.
Me: Who's there?
My bf: Ice cream.
Me: Ice cream who?
My bf: I scream if you don't let me see that smoking hot body!
You got the whole crowd of people laughing when looking at you.
That face needing some laughing pills.
Does anyone else just want to die, or is it just me?
What do a gay guy in a wheelchair and a tomato have in common?
They’re both a fruit AND a vegetable!
Q. What do you call anal sex with a politician?
A. A backroom deal.
Why did the clock eat so fast?
He wanted to go in for SECONDS! Super bad, huh?
Just got a new internet connected toaster. It wouldn't work until I enabled pop-ups!
I still remember my dad's last words, "You c***! You let the ladder go, you cuuunt!"
Smack! He hit the ground and bled out.
Girls are like bacteria. The toxic ones are everywhere, and you have to take special care of the good ones.
Let me just remove my finger from your bottom.
Thank you, nurse!
What is Beethoven's favorite vegetable?
Beets.
What's it called if you give a kid in a wheelchair a ball? Rocket League.
How does a rapper keep their money safe?
In a RAP VAULT.
What do you call crocodiles that don't say "swim" every day?
Your hairline jokes are so bad that they make me want to rip all my hair out.