Short jokes
Why did the lemon 🍋 go to the doctor 👩⚕️?
Because he had a sour stomach.
Why did Adele cross the road?
To say hello on the other side.
I feel bad for shopping carts. They're always being pushed around.
Did you hear the joke about the butter?
What is it?
I can’t tell you, you’ll spread it.
There is this celebrity everybody thought was so down to earth. That was until he hung himself.
What does a lesbian bring on the second date?
A U-Haul.
What's the difference between an escaped prisoner and an orphan?
Only one is wanted.
I like my men like I like my whiskey: Irish and put in a barrel for 2 years with barely any oxygen.
When you feel lonely, just watch a scary movie.
You won't feel lonely anymore :(
What is six inches, has nuts, and is hard?
A sinkers bar.
What do you say when you see your TV floating away at night?
"Drop it, Jamal!"
I was walking today and I saw an emo with a noose looking up at a tree. I simply said, "Hang on there, bud!"
What do you call a lesbian with braces? A box cutter.
Why are Egyptian gods orphans?
Because Egypt needs to sell Anubis (a new bus) every year to make a prophet.
The orphan started crying at school when he got suspended and had to go home.
I'm not saying you're inbred. I'm just saying you're a textbook example of why consanguineous marriage might not be the best idea.
Mom: Are you seriously gonna die?
Me: No. Don't worry. Suicide is the last thing I'll do.
Any game: "Are you a boy or a girl?"
Non-binary people: *cries*
What do leaves and suicidal people have in common? Nothing, one falls from the tree and one doesn't.
Dad: School is canceled, I think your teacher died or something.
Me: Wow, they found the body already?
Dad: :/