Short jokes
Why couldn’t the booty stay calm?
Because it was on crack.
An emo girl dyed her hair red.
Where does her hairline start? Her wrist.
Once we went to a light bulb party last night, YO it was freakin lit.
Did you know some people don't put on masks because they wanna act like something? Some put masks on to show their depression and feeling.
My husband and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
Why is it easy to defeat America in Clash of Clans?
Because they have already got 2 towers down.
Just do it.
Your hairline!
What do pedophiles and guitars have in common?
They both fingered A minor.
A girl did squats everyday with a 20 pound weight in her hand to finally text her boyfriend, "Show me your dick now!"
What did the stop sign say to the street sign when he couldn't read a map?
"Can you give me some pointers?"
What's the difference between my dad and milk? There is no difference; they both left.
This is true. Today I was at the mall and there was a guy holding a sign that said, "Need money for strippers and weed."
“Which tool,” Andrea Bocelli asks Chris Doemges, “fits best in the mailbox?”
Doemges: “Probably the flathead screwdriver!”
What do you get when you throw a pebble in the ocean?
A wet pebble.
Did you hear about the "Funny Doctor"?
He'll have you in "Stitches"!
I am a failure to everyone and decided to attempt a suicide, guess what? I failed.
Spell "I hod."
What do you call a can opener that doesn't work? A can't opener.
What happened to Stephen Hawking after he reached Heaven? Nothing yet. He is still struggling to get up the stairway to Heaven.