Short jokes
Donkeys are cool.
Be careful what you say around Indians, the red dot means they're recording.
BTW, I am one, wahahaa!
Why can’t kids at an orphanage play hide and seek?
Because no one’s looking for them.
What do you call a black man on the moon?
An astronaut, you fucking racist.
My dad died on 9/11. He was a great pilot.
A woman can fake an orgasm for the sake of a relationship.
A man can fake a relationship for the sake of an orgasm.
Why do Asians have squinty eyes?
Because atomic bombs are pretty damn bright.
What do women and pools have in common?
They both cost a lot of money to maintain for the amount of time you’re inside of them.
What do you call an Irish lesbian? A gay lick.
A good woman is like a good cup of coffee, especially when it’s strong and hot with a little bit of cream in it.
What kind of bee makes milk?
Boo Bees
Job Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in the next five years?
Me: I'd say my biggest weakness is listening.
Did you hear about the guy who got fired for having sex with his clients?
He was a great veterinarian.
What's the best response to a girl saying, 'What's up?'
'If I tell you, will you sit on it?'
I've been hit by several things in my life.
Sadly, never a car.
Rizz
Are you a basketball hoop? 'Cause I want to put my balls in you.
Are you a photo biographer? 'Cause I can picture us together.
I’ve always been a bit insecure about having thicker thighs.
Now I realize it allows me to fit more scars!
My thighs have a different texture pack than the rest of me.
I called a Suicide Helpline, but they didn't help me commit suicide.
Tbh they really left me hanging there.
How did the man with no arms commit suicide?
We'll never know - he didn't leave a note.