Why can't orphans learn about Ancient Egypt? Because they won't know what a mummy is.
BlessedBrian’s AUTOBIOGRAPHY would be titled “The Adventure of Watching Paint Dry”
my sisters pregnant, ima be a dad!
What did the Asian parents say when they had a disabled kid?Sum ting wong. 💀💀
whats flat and great for cutting? me
Women are like IPhones, you have to touch them all over before they respond. Men are like Blackberrys, rub one ball and everything moves!
I got fired from my job today at a banana factory. They said to throw away the bad ones so I throwaway the bent ones
I once told siri, "Hey Siri, why am i still single?" she opened the front camera.
your hairline is so bad even your gay friend is straighter then it.
what's the difference between ironman and ironwoman? one is a superhero and the other is a simple command.
I find it bemusing that hardcore right-wingers are superfans of Johnny Depp, considering that he looks like a dangerous Mexican drug lord.
so heres the joke, A bear walks into a bar and sits down and then....then..........then................................zzzz
Smash or pass Smash said the iceberg TItanic:...
whats a child abusers favorite song
JUST BEAT ITT
I now know what my first tattoo should be, zebra stripes! Not like anyone would know the difference between them.
A guy stole my car last night. Before dialing 911 I thought, "Fuck it. Let him explain the dead bodies in the trunk."
James Woods, starring in the newest movie: September 11, two thousand fun
What do you call a rapper in a wheelchair? Young Boy Never Walk again
People ALWAYS told me to open doors for elders. So I opened the plane door 5,000 feet up in the air for a grandma.
If dust mites are found in dust, Bedbugs are found in beds where are cockroaches found in?
