Short jokes
Knock knock. Who's there? Broken pencil. Broken pencil who? Never mind, it was pointless!
What does Sonic say when he doesn't want to get caught fucking in public?
Gotta Go Fast!
What medicine do you take when your butt hurts?
Answer: Assprin.
My sister's pregnant, I'm gonna be a dad!
It has been rumored that Disney is developing a movie based on suicide. The title?
Finding Emo.
Why can’t dinosaurs clap?
Because they're dead.
[being buried alive]
Murderer: *out of breath* How are you eating the dirt so quickly?
me: I'm going to steal your heart.
her: omg that's so romantic!!
me, an organ trafficker: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Boss: You're fired.
Me: *turns in my gun and my badge*
Boss: You're a waiter. Where did you get those?
What is the one kind of work orphans don’t know? Homework.
When I self-harmed one day, my mother told me that it cut her deep. We both found that very amusing.
What do you call a ghost's fart?
A spirit bomb.
Just got an iPhone 12 for my brother, best trade I've ever made.
How do you get more presents from Santa? You tickle his sack.
What is Obi-Wan Kenobi's greatest enemy?
The low ground.
When someone tells me to kill myself,
Panic! At The Disco: Don't Threaten Me With A Good Time.
Why did the orphan commit suicide?
So he could find home.
What do you call an elf that sings? A Wrapper.
What's the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?
One of them you'll see in a while, and the other one you'll see later.
Wow! That whiteboard is remarkable!