Short jokes
2020 was the first time Kobe had passed in years.
Bill Gates teaches a kindergarten class to count to ten. "1, 2, 3, 3.1, 95, 98, ME, 2000, XP, Vista, 7, 8, 10."
My father said I'm too reliant on technology.
I called him a hypocrite, and unplugged his life support.
Q: Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet?
A: To find Pooh!
All of these jokes are so dark, I'm surprised cops haven't shot them.
What gets louder as it gets smaller?
A baby in a trash compactor.
Cousins make dozens.
What is a pirate's favorite letter?
A letter from his family; he hadn't seen them in years.
What is a prisoner's favorite punctuation?
A period.
Why?
Because it marks the end of a sentence.
Why does a milking stool only have 3 legs? -- Because the cow has the udder.
How do you escape a French prison?
Yell angrily in German!
Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm for a day.
Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.
What's the number one pick up line at a gay bar?
"May I push your stool in?"
Why can't a kid with ADHD shoot a gun?
Their focus is always off.
My friend: You really need to stop the SH jokes.
Me: But they're not that long.
What's the difference between Paul Walker's car and a petite white girl?
There is no difference.
They both got split open by a huge log.
Kid: Dad, what is it like to be drunk?
Dad: You see those two trees over there? If you were drunk, you would see four.
Kid: Dad, there is only one tree.
I’m old enough to remember innocent times when the worst headline was plane hijackers flying into buildings.
They say string theory is hanging on by a thread.
Why was Stephen Hawking's wife mad at him?
She caught him having an affair with his shoulder.