Short jokes

I had problems milking my cow one morning. It was an udder failure.

A war isn’t about who is right, it’s about who is left!

What is a cannibal's favorite food?

Crackers.

My nickname should be night light... because kids turn me on...

What do skeletons hate the most about wind?

Nothing, it goes right through them.

Astronomers got tired of watching the moon rotate around the earth for 24 hours, so they just called it a "day".

If mistakes make people human, then your parents must have been alligators before you were born.

Two fish are in a tank. One says, "You man the guns, I'll drive!"

Why does Hitler drink milk? Because he doesn't like juice.

Some day, Canada will take over the world. -- And then we'll all be sorry.

What do you call an Indian electrician?

Ashok 😂

What's the difference between a pizza delivery guy and a cop?

Pizza guys get punished for not doing their jobs properly.

Two cannibals are eating a clown, when one cannibal looks up and asks the other cannibal: "Does he taste funny to you?"

Sarah goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?" Sarah waves her hand, "Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!" Miss Rogers says, "All right, Sarah, what is your multi-syllable word?" Sarah says, "Mas-tur-bate." Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, Sarah, that's a mouthful." Sarah says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."

What do you call a bear with extreme mood swings? -- A bi-polar-bear.

Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?

Because his wife died.

What did the fish say before he hit the wall? -- "Oh, dam."

Jared from Subway. Remember kids, "tuna sub" backwards is what I'm going to do on your face.

What do you call an autistic kid with a glock?

Special forces.

Btw, I'm 13.

School is like a boner. It's long and hard unless you're Asian.