Short jokes

If mistakes make people human, then your parents must have been alligators before you were born.

So there was this kid being bullied by four other kids. I decided to step in.

He didn’t stand a chance against the five of us.

Son: Dad, do you remember your first blowjob?

Dad: Ohhh yeah, I do!

Son: How did it taste?

Dad: Get out.

Imagine if this got over 69 likes! Wow! 🤩 🇫🇷

Why are white teenagers the best for the army? They are good at shooting things up.

What do you call an autistic kid with a glock?

Special forces.

Btw, I'm 13.

A cop pulled me over and shouted, "Papers!" I shouted, "Scissors!" and drove off.

My phone battery lasts longer than your relationships.

In Israel, they chop convicted rapists' balls off. Sure glad I don't live in Israel.

Titanic - "Yo, look at that sexy babe of an iceberg, let's hit her!"

Why can't Stephen Hawking be a Rocket League car? Because he can't jump for an aerial.

In communist Russia there is no discrimination. White, black, African, American, British and Asian. They all go to Gulag eventually.

Better call NASA and tell them there are only going to be 7 planets after I destroy URANUS.

How are giants and strippers alike?

They both grind men's bones to make their bread.

I asked my date to meet me at the gym today. She didn't show up. That's when I knew we weren't gonna work out.

What was the favorite game in 2001? Flight simulator.

My uncle and I have somewhat of an awkward relationship. At times I find him a bit hard to swallow.

I told kids to make a family tree. God, I love working at the orphanages.

"Oh daddy," the kid said. "I love you so much!"

"Hey," the man responded. "Until we get the DNA test results, I'm just Harry to you!"

Horror movies don't scare me. 5 missed calls from my mum scares me.