I threw a paralyzed kid into the fireplace and called him hotwheels.
Short Jokes
DAD: I'm bringing your toys to the orphanage.
SON: Why?
DAD: You're going to need them.
what did the banana say to the banana?
"u look a-pealing"
What did the blind man fight in the bar?
The coat rack.
modern feminism.
What's the hardest thing about being a rapist?
My dick.
Yesterday in my dream I ate a ten pound marshmallow, when I woke up, my pillow was gone.
How do you verify a rape claim? You make it true, and then the person is a victim for sure.
I got the newest Call of Duty game! I got a 200 kill streak, then I went home and played COD.
I was gonna tell a self harm joke, but realized it would cause too much pain.
You: "Captain, where is this plane going?"
Captain: "New York, 175 Greenwich Street."
Why do people keep on making jokes about the twin towers?
Because they go down so well.
What's the difference between Paul Walker's car and a petite white girl?
There is no difference.
They both got split open by a huge log.
Did you know Cobain had dandruff? Yep. They found his head and shoulders all over the back of his couch.
I have depression, and am suicidal. Nobody knows though, let's joke about that lol.
So, I was raping this girl the other night, and she said, "Please just think of my kids!" I was like, "What a freak."
I almost had a joke about Parkinson's disease, but I was too shaken up to say it.
My wife wanted a present that could go from zero to 80 very quickly.
So I got her a new set of bathroom scales.
What did the pillow say as it fell off the bed?
Oh sheet!
Is it just me, or are magnets really attractive?
