Short jokes
How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
Just look up texting jokes. Don't ask why, just do it.
Friend: Hi!
Me: Who are you?
Friend: ...your friend?
Me: What are you talking about? The doctor already said I couldn’t have any.
Why was Balls afraid of Magic?
Because Magic eight Balls.
My family is like Donkey Kong: a real pain in the ass.
I dreamed about drowning in an ocean made out of orange soda last night.
It took me a while to work out it was just a Fanta sea.
What’s the difference between the milk and drugs?
My dad brought the drugs back, not the milk though! 😭
Where are fart bombs made?
Old people's arses!
Hi, I like emos because they are black.
Why did the Carthaginian say Rome lost the war?
Because they were just roman around.
Imagine you ask a girl out in braille.
And she leaves you on felt.
Why do prostitutes love servicing zombies? They always leave a tip.
Damn, you look out of this world because you got a big head like an alien.
Why do Russians drink grizzly bear piss?
Since vodka in Russia is so weak, Russians need a strong drink to get drunk.
How did Steven Hawking die?
He lost internet connection.
What's black and doesn't work?
A filthy porch monkey at the zoo.
You will never be as lazy as whoever named the fireplace.
Bread is like an orphan: plain and stale and no fam.
I did not want to join sailing, but my friend roped me into it.
Why did Susie fall off the swing?
Because she didn't have any arms.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not Susie.