Short jokes
What did Earth say to the other planets?
"You guys have no life!"
What's the difference between a paycheck and your penis?
You don't have to beg your wife to blow up the paycheck.
I wanted to see if she was anorexic, so I threw a Funyun at her to see if she'd use it as a hula hoop or inhale it.
I saw my sister masturbating with a carrot. I said, "Come on, I was gonna eat that later! Now it's just gonna taste like carrots!"
I popped some fireworks and told my Vietnamese grandfather that World War 3 started.
Why don't skeletons fight each other?
They don't have the guts.
What do you call it when a person with Down syndrome gets friendzoned?
Chromozoned.
Why did the orphan like to jump? So they can jump off a bridge to be reunited with their parents.
1 like = 10 more orphans in my basement.
What did the taco say to the Sea Turtle? I like your shell!
Suicide is just self-defense. You're killing the person that tried to kill you.
[Them]: "Don't you think you'll feel ashamed of all the suicide jokes you've made when you get older?"
[Me]: "When I what?" 0-0
What do the films The Sixth Sense and Titanic have in common?
Icy dead people.
A bomb is like a baby; when you drop it, everyone screams.
My dad told me to stop with the suicide jokes, so I said I’ll cut it out.
Dogs can't operate MRI machines.
But cat scan!
A necrophiliac woman goes over to her friend's house after hooking up.
"Was it hung?" her friend asks.
"No, he was shot."
What's the difference between an emo kid and a leaf? Only the leaf reaches the ground.
What is the coolest bath bomb for emos?
A toaster.
I have the brains of an old man and the heart of a child. If you don't believe me, I can pop my trunk.
A normal kid brings an MP3 to school.
A rich kid brings an MP4 to school.
A quiet kid brings an MP5.