Short jokes
- Mommy, what will I be when I'm grown up?
- Shut up, Sam, you've got cancer!
Jeffrey Dahmer was eating at 5 Guys before it was a restaurant.
Jesus created the T-pose first.
What do friends and trees have in common? They both fall down when you hit them with an axe.
I popped some fireworks and told my Vietnamese grandfather that World War 3 started.
What is the difference between a plane and a helicopter?
A plane hits a building, but a helicopter hits the floor.
How do you stay warm in a cold room?
You go to the corners. It's always 90 degrees.
Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft, and I’ll show you A-flat minor.
What's the difference between Johnny Depp and Eminem? Eminem was never proven to beat his wife in court, but Johnny Depp was.
Your family tree looks like a circle 💀💀💀
Why don't midgets use tampons?
Answer: They are always tripping over the string.
One day, the teacher asks a boy, "Why can't fish talk underwater?"
The kid says, "If I put your head underwater, will you be able to talk?"
Are you a knife? Because damn, I want you inside of me ;)
I got a lot running through my head right now. I wish at least one was a 12-gauge round.
What is the tallest building?
A library 📚
It has the most stories.
Why can't Michael Jackson go within 500 meters of a school?
Because he's dead.
What's the difference between a prostitute and a daredevil?
One has cunning stunts, whilst the other has a stunning...
My girlfriend's last words:
"I can’t wait to become a mom!"
What’s black, white, and red? A nun that fell down a 100 flight of stairs.
What’s black, white, and laughing? The nun that pushed her!
Why is rape worse than death?
Because dead people get way more attention.