Short jokes
How did the necrophiliac get caught?
Some rotten cunt split on him....
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don't work.
A new game the whole family can play...
Incest.
I keep looking for my girlfriend's killer, but no one wants to do it.
What's the difference between Princess Diana and Thomas the Tank Engine?
Thomas came out the other end of the tunnel.
What gets louder as it gets smaller?
A baby in a trash compactor.
I had a dream about the whole ocean being filled with orange soda.
Turns out it was a Fanta sea.
That awkward moment when you're checking yourself out in the window of a car and you realize there's somebody inside.
What's the hardest part when making skimmed milk?
Throwing the cow across the lake.
Q: How come in airports, they park the planes outside?
A: They don't belong in buildings.
Having an abortion will make you so tired... it literally sucks the life out of you.
Russia.
My boyfriend came over today and stole my milk. How dairy!
What do you call it when a person with Down syndrome gets friendzoned?
Chromozoned.
Don't worry, Stephen Hawking isn't dead.
They have just got to copy and paste his memory onto a USB.
What do you call two Mexicans in a sleeping bag?
A Twix.
An Autistic chef made hamburgers out of donkey meat.
He called them: "Asperger's."
My friends say they don’t like my skeleton puns.
I should put a little more backbone into them.
Why is rape worse than death?
Because dead people get way more attention.
How did Helen Keller’s parents punish her? They handed her a basketball and told her to “read this book”.