[Them]: "Don't you think you'll feel ashamed of all the suicide jokes you've made when you get older?"
[Me]: "When I what?" 0-0
Short Jokes
What do the films The Sixth Sense and Titanic have in common?
Icy dead people.
A bomb is like a baby; when you drop it, everyone screams.
My dad told me to stop with the suicide jokes, so I said I’ll cut it out.
Dogs can't operate MRI machines.
But cat scan!
A necrophiliac woman goes over to her friend's house after hooking up.
"Was it hung?" her friend asks.
"No, he was shot."
What's the difference between an emo kid and a leaf? Only the leaf reaches the ground.
What is the coolest bath bomb for emos?
A toaster.
I have the brains of an old man and the heart of a child. If you don't believe me, I can pop my trunk.
A normal kid brings an MP3 to school.
A rich kid brings an MP4 to school.
A quiet kid brings an MP5.
When I get suicidal, everyone worries. I don't know why because that is when I'm the happiest, thinking about death.
Man 1: Why don’t we just put all the debt in the world on one man, then kill him?
Man 2: We tried that once. It started a cult.
We all know that Lincoln and Kennedy are the most open-minded presidents in the world.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They can't find home.
Abortion clinics are kind of like NAZI gas chambers. Less people come out than go in.
Dr. Fauci would be surprised to know that R. Kelly didn't catch COVID-19.
But since COVID is 19, it's too old for him.
You know how in Pinocchio the French puppets have the thigh rings?
Well, I got them too! Only red and thinner.
"Man, your jokes about homicide are totally killer!"
Your mom is so fat that if she sits on top of a gas station, she will lower the prices.
I had a very long dream that I was eating the most juiciest, tastiest meal I'd ever eaten in my life. Then when I woke up, my wife was gone.
