Short jokes
Q. Why can't Stephen Hawking go to Heaven?
A. He can't get his wheelchair up the stairs.
Asian without "As" is just sin.
Three people having sex is a threesome; two people is a twosome. So next time someone calls you "handsome," don't take it as a compliment.
Why can’t moons walk?
'Cuz they have no legs, stupid!
Two mums hook up!
Their daughter comes in the room and says, "Which one's the baby daddy?"
The "mum" points to the woman who was actually a man!
What's the difference between a spare tire and dead hookers? I don't have 8 spare tires in my trunk.
My girlfriend broke up with me today, but it’s ok.
She said we can still be cousins.
Yes, Stephen Hawking is alive.
YEET!
59009 flip it backwards on your calculator... it = boobs!
What's the best way to get ten babies in a bowl?
A blender.
What's the best way to get them out?
A blender.
Toilet paper cried across the road.
Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance?
Because he was sans and too lazy to get his butt off the couch.
Where are people sent to die?
Ross Hall academy.
What did Caesar’s cat say to him?
Nothing. Cats don’t talk.
Fun fact! If you steal your sister's cat, she will be mad.
What's the difference between my imaginary friend and God?
None.
They're both imaginary.
I invited my friend with a vasectomy to a party.
Unfortunately, he couldn't come.
You know a baby bottle looks kinda like a penis... Also sausage and hotdogs too.
Donald Trump will return to Twitter.
My dad said I should look if I could move a log. Well, he had to go get milk.