Short jokes
Noticing how wet and gentle the baby's mouth was on the bottle tip, this gave Uncle Willie an idea.
What do you call a simp, Adrian?
You're so retarded, if there was a clone of you that was supposed to be smart, it would still be retarded.
Why did the wheels not move on his wheelchair?
Because he had no legs.
What do you call a skeleton's erection?
A boner.
It's Caesar salad.
I didn’t eat breakfast because I’m starving myself.
I heard World War 500000 in my parents'.
What planet is related to planet butts? Uranus.
What is 1 + 1?
They didn’t tell me. Their stomach is upset.
I'm hertophobic.
It means I'm allergic to straights.
A calendar asked the doctor how many time he's got left. The doctor replied: "'Til December."
What did Stephen Hawking say on the stairway to heaven?
Oh, fuck! I can’t get up them.
What do you call a pile of cats? A MEOW-tain.
What did the chocolate dentist say to the other chocolate dentist? Did you "chip" a tooth?
A blind man is going for a walk. Eventually, he reaches a fish market.
He yells, "Hello ladies!"
My girlfriend asked me to tell a joke. I told her to look in the mirror.
We never met again.
What was purple and conquered the world?
Alexander The Grape.
What's a turtle's favorite thrill ride?
Shell shock!
The real reason Steven Hawking died is he was drunk and tried to go down a flight of stairs.