Short jokes
What is saw and bleeding and covered in bruises?
Your mum.
Why did Stephen Hawking not believe in God?
Computers don’t really have a specific religion.
Why is Donald Trump under so much stress?
Because he signed up to be on an album where somebody says "no love for the rich" on it.
What has 2 wheels and screams? A disabled [person] I dropkicked down the stairs.
Anyone else think High School Musical would have been a better film with a school shooter?
What happens when Stephen Hawking wakes up from his sleep?
"Log in."
What do Hiroshima and Nagasaki share in common with balls?
They both drop.
Why can't an orphan role-play Star Wars?
Because they have no one to play Darth Vader.
"Hey babe!"
This kinda reminds me of when my mum was feeding me. She always used to say, "Open wide for the delicious plane."
His hairline doing the moonwalk. Oh, I forgot, he doesn’t even have a hairline.
A Middle Eastern man comes to the states to do a stand up show. He starts by saying “2 Jews walk into a bar, NOT IN MY COUNTRY!”
Your mamma so fat Thanos had to clap 4 times.
I always use chloroform when stealing a child.
Everyone is autistic midgets.
Your forehead is so big that I can’t even see your hairline, and your stupid forehead face.
Trump really fractured the US with his 1/6 insurrection...
Yo mama's so poor, she chases the garbage truck with a grocery list.
Yo mama's so poor, the ducks throw bread at her.
Yo mama so scary, the government moved Halloween to her birthday!