Short jokes
Your hairline is so far back that it dated back to 13 BC.
You was reaching into you’re backpack and the whole class jumped through the window.
What gets bigger when it eats but dies when it drinks?
Answer: fire.
Why are vampires always sick?
Because they are coffin.
Why drink water and not bleach?
Roses are red, Violets are blue, I need your peach, and I'll torture you with a speech.
What’s a vacuum cleaner’s favorite plant?
Answer: SUCCulent
When Hitler killed himself, he shot himself twice. The first one was Operation Barbarossa, and the second one was his death.
Boy, your forehead so big, I can make a launchpad on that shit!
What do you call a very long bowl?
Manute Bowl.
When you see your mom.
Me: bruh
Her: Are you serious right now bro?
Me: Yeah no shit.
Her: *slaps me*
Well, you know what they say, time flies when you're just a ball of anxiety and stress. :D
What do you call a Muslim bee?
Habibee.
Why did the deer go to the dentist?
It had buck teeth.
What is 6-inch long, in every men's pants or hands, and girls want?
- A smartphone, freak.
Did you know that soccer fields aren't made of 4 million crayons? They are actually made from grass. :)
Two needles go to the river. One of them says, "I'm sorry!"
"I think my baby is so similar to me!"
"True, but the most important thing is that he is healthy!"
Smoking a fag in the UK means to smoke a cigarette.
Smoking a fag in the USA means to kill a homosexual.
Abortions are a way for whores to dodge accountability.