Short jokes
Why you never have to give a balloon to Elsa?
Because she will let it goooooooooooooooo let it goooo!
What did Josef Vasicek think before the plane hit the ground?
"Oh shit, is my name still on the Stanley Cup?"
What do you call someone who is in an airplane crash who was a 2006 Stanley Cup champion with the Carolina Hurricanes?
Josef Vasicek.
Build your ex a fire, and they're warm for a day.
Set your ex on fire and hide the smile/evidence.
Why don't cows make good policemen?
Because they refuse to go on steak-outs!
A man walks into a bar carrying a big chunk of asphalt and says to the bartender, “Make mine a double Scotch and one more for the road.”
A 7-foot-tall man walks into a restaurant with his 4-foot-tall girlfriend, and the maitre d' says to the waiter, “He must be nuts over her.”
One tonsil said to the other tonsil, “We must be in San Juan Capistrano, here comes another swallow.”
Why is it painful to have your attorney with you in the hospital?
The damages are severe.
Why are blinds called blinds?
Because when they aren’t closed, they are blinding!
Yo mama so fat the last time I saw 90210 was when she stepped on the scale.
Lucky for me I'm only 210.
I have a friend who doesn't have a dad.
He says: "You're useless, go to hell!"
Me: "Wait, why do you want me to join your dad?"
Why did the baby cow cross the road?
To find its mom who has the milk.
Yo wsp?
Mommy is a YouTuber, she can never spend time with me.
Mommy sits on my potty and sings a song about poop.
Kid in 2021: I'm goated at hide and seek.
Anne Frank: I am the hide and seek champion of the world.
Yo mama so dumb, when she looked at the light, she said, "Why is the sun so close to me?"
"The size doesn’t matter" - Ana from Frozen.
So Jessie Waters goes on TV without a gallon of hair gel. Oh wait, never mind!