Short jokes

I thought my wife was joking when she said she was gonna leave me because I wouldn’t stop singing “I'm a believer,” but then I saw her face.

Hey, wanna hear an abortion joke? Never mind, I can't deliver it.

Necrophilia in Alabama is fun for the whole family, even grandma.

What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?

Nothing, you've told her twice.

We all hear cause we cut ourselves, right? I mean, JK.

What do you call a pessimistic Mexican?

A Mexican't.

What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor?

Dark humor is 10 babies in a trash can. Morbid humor is 1 baby in 10 trash cans.

I ate a time machine once, it was very time-consuming. Especially when I went back four seconds.

My dad posted a picture of his condom challenge fail to his social media - it was a picture of me.

"Waiter, my steak is too skinny."

"It's a strip steak, sir."

"At these prices, it should not only strip, but sing and dance too!"

I told kids to make a family tree. God, I love working at the orphanages.

What was the favorite game in 2001? Flight simulator.

A lot of people ask why I only make jokes about Paul Walker and no one else.

Because they didn’t have as big of an impact as him.

Q: What's stronger than family?

A: Whatever tree Paul Walker hit.

My uncle and I have somewhat of an awkward relationship. At times I find him a bit hard to swallow.

I'm just here to say that I don't approve of political jokes.

I've seen too many of them get elected.

I was going to log a pun about trees, but you wooden understand it.

Me telling a depression and suicide joke in front of my friends.

My friends: ........ Oh wait, I don't have any, so nothing to worry about here.

Why wouldn’t Mr. Bee 🐝 push Ms. Bee 🐝 away?

Because he loves his honey.

What has two wings and a halo?

A Chinese telephone. Wing-wing Halo?