Short jokes

Short jokes

Friend

Me telling a depression and suicide joke in front of my friends.

My friends: ........ Oh wait, I don't have any, so nothing to worry about here.

Tree

I was going to log a pun about trees, but you wooden understand it.

Thumb

My wife asked me to help cure her from sucking her thumb. So I drew a cock on it.

Time Machine

I ate a time machine once, it was very time-consuming. Especially when I went back four seconds.

Bee

Why wouldn’t Mr. Bee 🐝 push Ms. Bee 🐝 away?

Because he loves his honey.

Politician

I'm just here to say that I don't approve of political jokes.

I've seen too many of them get elected.

Computer

When you're working in the Twin Towers and your computer connects to the airplane wifi.

Dad

My dad posted a picture of his condom challenge fail to his social media - it was a picture of me.

Sex

What are the three worst words to hear while you are having sex?

Honey, I'm home!

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  • Roast

    Me and my friend were roasting each other. She said, "You look like a Reese's cup." I replied, "You're so old, your pubic hairs are 50 shades of gray."

  • 4
  • Teeth

    The wife said, "Honey! Do you like my new teeth?"

    The husband replied, "They remind me of stars, darling!"

    "Yellow and far apart."

    Sally

    Why did Sally fall out of the swing?

    She had no arms.

    Why couldn’t she get up?

    Because she had no friends.

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  • Mama

    Yo mama's so stupid she got locked in Mattress World and slept on the floor.

  • 2
  • Garden

    Roses are red, Violets are red, Sunflowers are red,

    HOLY SHIT, MY GARDEN'S ON FIRE!