Short jokes
Me telling a depression and suicide joke in front of my friends.
My friends: ........ Oh wait, I don't have any, so nothing to worry about here.
I was going to log a pun about trees, but you wooden understand it.
My wife asked me to help cure her from sucking her thumb. So I drew a cock on it.
I ate a time machine once, it was very time-consuming. Especially when I went back four seconds.
Why wouldn’t Mr. Bee 🐝 push Ms. Bee 🐝 away?
Because he loves his honey.
I'm just here to say that I don't approve of political jokes.
I've seen too many of them get elected.
When you're working in the Twin Towers and your computer connects to the airplane wifi.
My dad posted a picture of his condom challenge fail to his social media - it was a picture of me.
What has two wings and a halo?
A Chinese telephone. Wing-wing Halo?
What did the kid with leukemia watch last night? Finding Chemo.
What are the three worst words to hear while you are having sex?
Honey, I'm home!
Do your buses run on time?
No, they run on diesel.
Me and my friend were roasting each other. She said, "You look like a Reese's cup." I replied, "You're so old, your pubic hairs are 50 shades of gray."
Why do people want emo grass? Because it'll cut itself.
The wife said, "Honey! Do you like my new teeth?"
The husband replied, "They remind me of stars, darling!"
"Yellow and far apart."
Hellen Keller walked into a bar... then a table... then a chair.
Why did Sally fall out of the swing?
She had no arms.
Why couldn’t she get up?
Because she had no friends.
What do you call a sex offender attending church? A priest.
Yo mama's so stupid she got locked in Mattress World and slept on the floor.
Roses are red, Violets are red, Sunflowers are red,
HOLY SHIT, MY GARDEN'S ON FIRE!