Short jokes
Want to watch Titanic?
No, I'm not on board for it.
You want some dead batteries? They're free of charge.
Roses are red, Violets are red, Sunflowers are red,
HOLY SHIT, MY GARDEN'S ON FIRE!
What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor?
Dark humor is 10 babies in a trash can. Morbid humor is 1 baby in 10 trash cans.
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on juan.
What is 6 inches long and makes women scream? Stillbirth...
What are the three worst words to hear while you are having sex?
Honey, I'm home!
A retard won a break-dancing competition. All he did was go to get a drink.
Why hasn't my dad come back? No seriously, I'm not joking.
Me and my friend were roasting each other. She said, "You look like a Reese's cup." I replied, "You're so old, your pubic hairs are 50 shades of gray."
Who goes to a comedian show and gets offended?
A feminist.
Yo mama's so stupid she got locked in Mattress World and slept on the floor.
What did Freddie Mercury use to improve his hearing?
Hearing AIDS.
What do you call a Communist sniper? -- A Marxman.
A girl asked me to eat her out one time... so I put her in the oven.
Boy and girl playing hide and seek... girl: "I found you." Boy: "What gave me away?" Girl: "Ur parents obviously."
What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing, you've told her twice.
My grandpa was amazing. He killed Hitler.
What is red and looks like a zebra?
My arm. Hehhehehehe UwU
I thought my wife was joking when she said she was gonna leave me because I wouldn’t stop singing “I'm a believer,” but then I saw her face.