What did Freddie Mercury use to improve his hearing?
Hearing AIDS.
Short Jokes
What did the kid with leukemia watch last night? Finding Chemo.
I got raped by my therapist... now I know where the name comes from!
What are the three worst words to hear while you are having sex?
Honey, I'm home!
Do your buses run on time?
No, they run on diesel.
Why did Yoda go to jail for rape?
He doesn't get consent; he just uses the force.
Me and my friend were roasting each other. She said, "You look like a Reese's cup." I replied, "You're so old, your pubic hairs are 50 shades of gray."
Why do people want emo grass? Because it'll cut itself.
The wife said, "Honey! Do you like my new teeth?"
The husband replied, "They remind me of stars, darling!"
"Yellow and far apart."
Hellen Keller walked into a bar... then a table... then a chair.
Why did Sally fall out of the swing?
She had no arms.
Why couldn’t she get up?
Because she had no friends.
Yo mama's so stupid she got locked in Mattress World and slept on the floor.
Roses are red, Violets are red, Sunflowers are red,
HOLY SHIT, MY GARDEN'S ON FIRE!
Do trees shit?
Well, how else would we get #2 pencils?
Nazis have marched in Melbourne. Are you sure Eric Clapton and Carrie Underwood are not touring in Australia?
I've realized that suicide would solve all my problems... if I could just get the right people to try it.
Turn the comments into a kindergarten fight.
So I asked my mom for a bath bomb, she just gave me a toaster.
If you ever become depressed, try drinking a gallon of water before going to sleep... That'll give you a reason to get up in the morning.
Why did the transgender girl want to be a boy?
Because momma never raised no pussy.
