Short jokes
What are the three worst words to hear while you are having sex?
Honey, I'm home!
A retard won a break-dancing competition. All he did was go to get a drink.
Why hasn't my dad come back? No seriously, I'm not joking.
Me and my friend were roasting each other. She said, "You look like a Reese's cup." I replied, "You're so old, your pubic hairs are 50 shades of gray."
Who goes to a comedian show and gets offended?
A feminist.
What did Freddie Mercury use to improve his hearing?
Hearing AIDS.
What do you call a Communist sniper? -- A Marxman.
Raaj went up to his mom and said, "I bet you 10 dollars I can disappear." Then he turned off the lights.
A girl asked me to eat her out one time... so I put her in the oven.
Boy and girl playing hide and seek... girl: "I found you." Boy: "What gave me away?" Girl: "Ur parents obviously."
What is red and looks like a zebra?
My arm. Hehhehehehe UwU
The number 13? Not on my watch!
I thought my wife was joking when she said she was gonna leave me because I wouldn’t stop singing “I'm a believer,” but then I saw her face.
My grandpa was amazing. He killed Hitler.
Necrophilia in Alabama is fun for the whole family, even grandma.
What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing, you've told her twice.
What do you call a pessimistic Mexican?
A Mexican't.
What game did Al-Qaeda play with the Twin Towers on September 11th, 2001? Jenga.
A lot of people ask why I only make jokes about Paul Walker and no one else.
Because they didn’t have as big of an impact as him.
Q: What's stronger than family?
A: Whatever tree Paul Walker hit.