Short jokes
What has two wings and a halo?
A Chinese telephone. Wing-wing Halo?
What did the kid with leukemia watch last night? Finding Chemo.
What are the three worst words to hear while you are having sex?
Honey, I'm home!
Do your buses run on time?
No, they run on diesel.
Me and my friend were roasting each other. She said, "You look like a Reese's cup." I replied, "You're so old, your pubic hairs are 50 shades of gray."
Why do people want emo grass? Because it'll cut itself.
Lost my virginity to a down syndrome the other day... only cause I wanted my first time to be special.
Hellen Keller walked into a bar... then a table... then a chair.
The wife said, "Honey! Do you like my new teeth?"
The husband replied, "They remind me of stars, darling!"
"Yellow and far apart."
Why did Sally fall out of the swing?
She had no arms.
Why couldn’t she get up?
Because she had no friends.
What do you call a sex offender attending church? A priest.
Yo mama's so stupid she got locked in Mattress World and slept on the floor.
What is Bill Cosby's favorite poem? Roses are red, my cum is blue, I'll wait till your asleep to rape you.
Did you hear about the lesbian midget? She probably came out of the cabinet.
Roses are red, Violets are twisted, You bend over, You're about to get fisted.
What’s black, white, and red all over? A nun on her period.
What do lesbians do when they have a problem? They finger it out.
Nazis have marched in Melbourne. Are you sure Eric Clapton and Carrie Underwood are not touring in Australia?
I've realized that suicide would solve all my problems... if I could just get the right people to try it.
Friend: Did your tattoos hurt?
Me: Nah, not really.
Friend: What did they feel like?
Me: 7th grade.
Friend: 😶😶😨😰😰😰😨