Short jokes
What did the kid with leukemia watch last night? Finding Chemo.
What are the three worst words to hear while you are having sex?
Honey, I'm home!
Do your buses run on time?
No, they run on diesel.
Me and my friend were roasting each other. She said, "You look like a Reese's cup." I replied, "You're so old, your pubic hairs are 50 shades of gray."
Why do people want emo grass? Because it'll cut itself.
Hellen Keller walked into a bar... then a table... then a chair.
The wife said, "Honey! Do you like my new teeth?"
The husband replied, "They remind me of stars, darling!"
"Yellow and far apart."
Why did Sally fall out of the swing?
She had no arms.
Why couldn’t she get up?
Because she had no friends.
How do you count cows? -- With a cowculator.
What do you call a sex offender attending church? A priest.
Yo mama's so stupid she got locked in Mattress World and slept on the floor.
What do lesbians do when they have a problem? They finger it out.
Nazis have marched in Melbourne. Are you sure Eric Clapton and Carrie Underwood are not touring in Australia?
I've realized that suicide would solve all my problems... if I could just get the right people to try it.
Friend: Did your tattoos hurt?
Me: Nah, not really.
Friend: What did they feel like?
Me: 7th grade.
Friend: 😶😶😨😰😰😰😨
If you wanna really know how to get under my skin, give me a razor and maybe we'll talk ;)
Alcoholics don't run in my family, they drive!
Turn the comments into a kindergarten fight.
Do trees shit?
Well, how else would we get #2 pencils?
Why did Michael Jackson like having little boys round him? He was studying for the priesthood.