Short jokes

Short jokes

Nazi

Nazis have marched in Melbourne. Are you sure Eric Clapton and Carrie Underwood are not touring in Australia?

Suicide

I've realized that suicide would solve all my problems... if I could just get the right people to try it.

Depression

If you ever become depressed, try drinking a gallon of water before going to sleep... That'll give you a reason to get up in the morning.

Evil

I finally stopped drinking for good.

Now I purely drink for evil.

Consideration

After long consideration, I've decided to get a zebra tattoo on my wrist. Not like anyone will notice the difference.

Attitude

"The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem." - Jack Sparrow

Schizophrenia

I don't think my girlfriend likes it when I take my schizophrenia meds because she always goes away when I take them.

Friend

Friends call me crack miser, whatever I snort. My brain starts to distort! I'll be in court.

Self Harm

My pencil sharpener when I bleed:

And I don't really care how bad it hurts. Cause you broke me first.

Emo

I ran over an emo yesterday? I wanted to let him see pitch black.

I threw a lamp at an emo? I tried to lighten up his day.

Fear

How do you help a depressed kid face their fears... You count to 3 and say jump?

White men

Who says “white men can't jump?” They certainly did when the twin towers were falling.