Short jokes

What is red and looks like a zebra?

My arm. Hehhehehehe UwU

I thought my wife was joking when she said she was gonna leave me because I wouldn’t stop singing “I'm a believer,” but then I saw her face.

What do you call a walkie-talkie for retards? -- A stumblie-mumblie.

What did the kid with leukemia watch last night? Finding Chemo.

Necrophilia in Alabama is fun for the whole family, even grandma.

I asked my wife if I could use toys during sex last night. You should've seen her face when I rolled my Hot Wheels across her tits.

What do you call a pessimistic Mexican?

A Mexican't.

Imagine failing to commit suicide; you might as well go kill yourself.

Osama's aim was horrible. One of his angry birds missed and hit a field in Pennsylvania.

A lot of people ask why I only make jokes about Paul Walker and no one else.

Because they didn’t have as big of an impact as him.

What game did Al-Qaeda play with the Twin Towers on September 11th, 2001? Jenga.

Me telling a depression and suicide joke in front of my friends.

My friends: ........ Oh wait, I don't have any, so nothing to worry about here.

What planet did Hitler hate the most?

Jewpiter.

What kind of chocolate does a lesbian hate?

Ones that contain nuts.

I ate a time machine once, it was very time-consuming. Especially when I went back four seconds.

My dad posted a picture of his condom challenge fail to his social media - it was a picture of me.

Why wouldn’t Mr. Bee 🐝 push Ms. Bee 🐝 away?

Because he loves his honey.

I was going to log a pun about trees, but you wooden understand it.

What is the one thing cripples can't do? ... Stand-up comedy.

Iran: We can beat the USA.

Japan is typing...