Short jokes
I ate a time machine once, it was very time-consuming. Especially when I went back four seconds.
Imagine failing to commit suicide; you might as well go kill yourself.
Osama's aim was horrible. One of his angry birds missed and hit a field in Pennsylvania.
Me telling a depression and suicide joke in front of my friends.
My friends: ........ Oh wait, I don't have any, so nothing to worry about here.
The dick said to the ass, "this place is a shit hole."
The ass replied, "Yes, but you still keep coming."
I was going to log a pun about trees, but you wooden understand it.
My dad posted a picture of his condom challenge fail to his social media - it was a picture of me.
Why wouldn’t Mr. Bee 🐝 push Ms. Bee 🐝 away?
Because he loves his honey.
What planet did Hitler hate the most?
Jewpiter.
What was the favorite game in 2001? Flight simulator.
What has two wings and a halo?
A Chinese telephone. Wing-wing Halo?
What did the kid with leukemia watch last night? Finding Chemo.
Grammar: It's the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you're shit.
What is the similarity between a joke and food?
Some people just don't get them!
Do your buses run on time?
No, they run on diesel.
Trump is going too far.
He deported a printer because it didn't have papers.
Why do people want emo grass? Because it'll cut itself.
What do you call a terrorist in a kids' swimming pool?
A bath bomb.
Why did Sally fall out of the swing?
She had no arms.
Why couldn’t she get up?
Because she had no friends.
What do you call a sex offender attending church? A priest.