Short jokes
That awkward moment you try to relate to Batman by killing your parents.
When your friend asks why you don't smile, then you look at them and realize no one is there because you have no friends. #my life
Dream tweeted, and I quote, "Babies kick pregnant women all the time, but I do it one time and I’m the one arrested."
I know a good airplane joke, but it would probably go over your heads.
The twin towers: No, it won't.
Why don't blind people skydive?
Because it scares their dogs too much!
Why can't Indians play football? Because every time they take a corner, they make a shop.
I know you don’t like rape jokes, but I’m gonna force one on you anyway.
Why are mountains always tired? Because they don't Everest.
What do you call a cow who plays an instrument? -- A moosician.
Me: I kiss my mom on the lips.
Friend: Uh, I guess that's somewhat nor-
Me: Lower lips.
Friend: I gotta go.
One day, a snail got robbed by two turtles. Once the cops arrived and asked what had happened, the snail said, "I don't know, it all happened too fast!"
What do you call milk that gets everything she wants?
Spoiled milk.
How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?
Ask them to pronounce "unionized".
Did you know the people in the twin towers were great readers?
Yeah, they went through 80 stories in seconds.
Roses are red. He shows no remorse.
Santa Claus Has joined the terrorist force.
What's the difference between a prostitute and a daredevil?
One has cunning stunts, whilst the other has a stunning...
Why do orphans hate milk? Cause their family is still shopping for it!
Why can't orphans work at S.C. Johnson?
Cause it's a family company.
What does an Al Qaeda terrorist and a flexible man have in common?
They can blow themselves up.
Your mom's so fat that One Punch Man had to take two punches.