Short jokes
Make a wish kid: I want to meet Mac Miller.
Make a wish staff: You will soon, chief.
Q: What do you call a "Wild Man" or "Wild Woman" on the Moon?
A: A Luna-Tic!
2019, where you can change your gender at a snap of a finger.
My grandpa said I'm too reliant on technology... so I screamed that he was a hypocrite and I unplugged his life support.
What kind of pictures do turtles take?
Shelfies.
Why does it take longer for women to orgasm than men?
Who cares?
You make the juice go through my power brick.
I lost my luggage at an airport once. I sued the airline, but I lost the case...
What did the dog say to his sister when she stepped on his toe? "Hey, mitosis!"
Apparently Steven Hawking was a stand-up kind of guy.
My puns drive people nuts; this is usually when I bolt away.
Levi and Andrew are fat.
Your mom's just like a penny. Practically worthless, and in everyone's pants.
Where do pencils go on holiday?
Pencilvania! (Pennsylvania)
Why should you never fart in an Apple store?
Because they have no Windows!
What is always moving but we never see it walk?
Time! Hahahaha!
Why did the math book go to the psychologist?
It had too many problems.
What’s the difference between a bleeding child and a bleeding chimpanzee?
They're both crazy and now dead.
Why is the sun lit?
Because it has much solar.
There was a penguin breathing with his ass. One day, he sat down and he died.