Short jokes

How do you stop constipation?

You scare the crap outta them.

(Crap is another word for poop.)

I saw a dwarf and said, "He costs 2 elixir!"

He called the cops.

I went to the zoo but all I saw was a dog.

Yeah, it was a shih tzu.

I blend children to make a good living.

What type of shirt do kangaroos wear? Jumpsuits.

Me after Taco Bell, "I’m about to blow this place up like September 11."

If two stoners get married, do they have joint assets?

If you don't like racist people, isn't that discrimination?

Why is the Pentagon mad?

Because it didn't get two pizzas, but only one plane pizza.

I'd tell you a 9/11 joke, but it'd fly over your head and into the Twin Towers.

Men.

What is a nonce's favorite toy...? You.

Did you hear about the Chinese student?

Me neither.

Mom: Remember, you can tell me anything.

Abbie: I had sex with dad.

Mom: Go die in a hole!

You're so dumb that every time you use the bathroom, you use your shoe to wipe your ass.

Why do women have no need for umbrellas? Because it doesn't rain in the kitchen.

I once told a blind orphan, "Hey, look at the bright side!"

I kicked a goose, and I liked it!

Why don't churches have Wi-Fi?

They can't compete with an invisible force that actually works.

Why is the dog having KFC? Because the dog has no friends.