Short jokes
What do you call a person with a hole in their shoe?
A Christian.
What is the difference between cremation and smoking?
While you are smoking, you don't go up in smoke.
Why wasn’t the duck afraid to cross the road? Because he wasn’t chicken!
What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a hostage?
I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.
Is it okay to say "nice to meat you" to a vegan?
Why couldn't Bob hang himself?
Because he had no arms to tie a knot. :'-)
9/11
When your little brother hears noise from your room and you're the only one in it.
If 4 birds are sitting on a fence and one gets shot, how many are still on the fence?
None, the rest fly away.
A bear is like your best mate, Harry.
If you stab them, they die from a stab wound.
Why take a nap on the toilet?
Because it's a restroom.
Hi Andrew, this is Nick.
Why didn’t Harry Potter use the chamber to teach Dumbledore’s army?
Because at one point poisonous gases were put in it.
At weddings, old people tell kids, "You're next!"
At funerals, little kids tell old people, "You're next!"
What do you call it when Portericans surround your house?
A spicket fence!
Which band doesn’t make music?
One Direction.
What do you call people who go to space? Icetronauts lolololol hahahahah.
If you steal a lottery ticket, is it considered Grand Theft Lotto?
If you don't like racist people, isn't that discrimination?
Imagine there’s a funny joke here. Imagine it? Great! Now check yourself into an insane asylum because you’re schizophrenic.