Short jokes
Women: Can I have your number?
Jesus: No.
Women: Why? Are you scared?
Jesus: No. Just when you wanna talk, just pray.
Why do women have no need for umbrellas? Because it doesn't rain in the kitchen.
What is a nonce's favorite toy...? You.
Did you hear about the Chinese student?
Me neither.
You're so dumb that every time you use the bathroom, you use your shoe to wipe your ass.
Mom: Remember, you can tell me anything.
Abbie: I had sex with dad.
Mom: Go die in a hole!
In America, you catch Pikachu. In Soviet Russia, Pikachu catches you.
Why don't churches have Wi-Fi?
They can't compete with an invisible force that actually works.
Imagine when you are about to cry at the funeral, then your friend's phone rings.
Then he says, "I'll call you back, I'm still at the die."
I went to the zoo but all I saw was a dog.
Yeah, it was a shih tzu.
I blend children to make a good living.
What do you call it when Neil Armstrong started cuming in space?
The Milky Way.
What’s the difference between an orphan and a baseball field?
One has a home.
I'ma tell these to my adopted sister.
Why is the dog having KFC? Because the dog has no friends.
Bruh, people always makin' jokes 'bout how their dad left, well in my story it was the mum that needed milk.
I just wanted to write something random.
And now my wife is dead.
Why are there not that many phones in China? Because there’s too much Wing and Wong, so they will "wing" the wrong number.
How do stars die? Usually a overdose in an airport.
Why couldn't Bob hang himself?
Because he had no arms to tie a knot. :'-)