Short jokes
Sign on my attorney's office wall: "You can't have manslaughter without laughter."
Doctor: I diagnose you with obesity.
Patient: It runs in the family.
Doctor: Nothing can run in your family.
How many emos does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None they just sit in the dark and cry.
How did they figure out what kind of shampoo Paul Walker used? They found his “head and shoulders” in the dash.
I don't understand why in horror movies they make digging a grave look so easy. It usually takes me days.
What do you get when you have an annoying kid, a homicidal kid, and a suicidal kid in the same room? A happy ending.
Dear disabled people, just go to the settings and enable it!
A friend of mine just got divorced. He and his ex-wife split the house. He got the outside.
What is money called in space?
Star bucks.
What do pedophiles and a SpongeBob intro have in common?
Are you ready kids?
Did you hear about the 100 centimeter girl?
I’d really like to meter.
Why were the Twin Towers scared at dinner?
Because their mom said, "Here comes the airplane!"
A robber held up a depressed kid at gun point.
The depressed kid took the gun, and said, "I'll do it myself."
What’s wrong with a gay bbq?
All the hotdogs taste like shit.
Why did Paul Walker cross the street?
Because he wasn't wearing his seatbelt.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
9/11.
9/11 who?
You said that you would never forget!
Say what you want against pedophiles, but they slow down in school zones.
Why was the man fired from a calendar factory? He took a day off.
Never buy an epileptic kid light-up Sketchers.
Pennywise: "They all float down here!"
Titanic: *hold my beer*