Short jokes
My blind friend is so annoying, he kept bumping into things even though I repeatedly told him to look where he was going.
It's all fun and games until someone fails at becoming Superman.
What were Stephen Hawking's last words? "System failure."
What is Wacko Jacko's favorite David Bowie song?
"Boys Keep Swinging."
I want to make a joke about Kobe, but it won't land well.
There was a cannibal who had a wife and eight kids.
Yesterday, a clown held the door open for me. It was such a nice jester!
What is the favorite dish in Africa? The empty one.
So, my sister is a feminist. I asked her, "Do you want to hear a rape joke?" She said no. I still decided to force one down her throat anyway.
I wanted to tell an animal joke but it's irrelephant.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
9/11.
9/11 who?
You said that you would never forget!
Why did Helen Keller burn her hands?
Because she was trying to read the waffle iron.
Did you hear about the man who ran in front of the bus? He got tired.
What do Michael Jackson and Santa Claus have in common?
They both leave the little kids' room with empty sacks.
What is the difference between a Rubik’s cube and a penis? I don’t know, but they both get harder the more you play with them.
In the morning, I become a cereal killer.
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite childhood song? "The wheels on the chair go round and round....."
What do you call a Russian tree?
Dimitree.
Doctor: I diagnose you with obesity.
Patient: It runs in the family.
Doctor: Nothing can run in your family.
Sign on my attorney's office wall: "You can't have manslaughter without laughter."