Short jokes
I don't understand why in horror movies they make digging a grave look so easy. It usually takes me days.
What do you get when you have an annoying kid, a homicidal kid, and a suicidal kid in the same room? A happy ending.
Dear disabled people, just go to the settings and enable it!
What is money called in space?
Star bucks.
What do pedophiles and a SpongeBob intro have in common?
Are you ready kids?
A robber held up a depressed kid at gun point.
The depressed kid took the gun, and said, "I'll do it myself."
A friend of mine just got divorced. He and his ex-wife split the house. He got the outside.
What’s wrong with a gay bbq?
All the hotdogs taste like shit.
Say what you want against pedophiles, but they slow down in school zones.
Why was the man fired from a calendar factory? He took a day off.
Why did Paul Walker cross the street?
Because he wasn't wearing his seatbelt.
Never buy an epileptic kid light-up Sketchers.
Pennywise: "They all float down here!"
Titanic: *hold my beer*
Why did Trump go to Jeffrey's secret Island?
So he could trump that little bitch!
Why can't you solve a murder in Alabama?
All the DNA is identical and there are no dental records.
I was raised an only child, which really pissed my brother.
My blind friend is so annoying, he kept bumping into things even though I repeatedly told him to look where he was going.
It's all fun and games until someone fails at becoming Superman.
My mom always said garlic powder makes everything better, so I sprinkled some on my divorce papers and my wife's broken leg.
What were Stephen Hawking's last words? "System failure."