Short jokes
Man, my brother has a tight, buttered butthole. The veins in my cock throb when he comes over!
When I saw your hairline, I thought you worked at McDonald’s.
Thomas Jefferson’s 80th b-day bash be like:
Jackson: "CALHOUN! YOU’RE CHEATING ON ME - IN BED WITH THE CONSTITUTION??"
I wish I was at a Western bar; then I would get shot.
I had to go to my friend's house.
I went in her basement and I saw taped mouths that are KIDS in the basement... Is my friend OK???
How many letters are in the English Alphabet?
Twenty-two. ET went home, P ran down his leg, and he took ME with him.
I was checking my shoe in my dad's wallet, and he slapped me. What exactly did I do to warrant the slap?
Balloon 1: Watch out for cactus!
Balloon 2: Where is cactussssssss?
You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friends' noses.
Does it cycle now? 🚲
Man: Hey Siri!
Siri: Yes?
Man: I'm desperate, will you marry me?
Siri: Uh...
*phone literally explodes*
Putin be like CSGO is much harder in real life!
Why do emo kids sneak up on their Vietnamese grandfathers? Because they hope the war experience kicks in.
Two emos are dating, and the most romantic thing they have ever done is slit each other's wrists.
Your momma is so fat, when she chose a yellow shirt when she was on a run, the kids ran after her because they thought they missed the bus.
NASA stands for... National Adult S3x Association.
What's wrong with Asian pet stores?
There's no pets.
Why was the apple 🍎 sad?
Because he got his peelings hurt.
Mommy, mommy! Are we drug dealers?
Shut up and cut the coke.
Son: Dad, I'm gay.
Dad: I support you.
Son: I like you.
Dad: Get out and into my room!
Do you know Stephen is dead? He doesn't have a stone. Do you know how to find him? A metal detector.