A police officer pulls a man over. "Hands in the air!"
The man said, "Okay."
Short Jokes
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl pee? Because the "p" is silent.
What did the daddy bullet say to his son when he missed the bull and hit something brown and gross?
"That is bull crap!"
Why did the man sit on his porch and bark at the postman when he came?
Because his dog had a sore throat!
Life is a bitch, and people make it worse.
This thing that I'm in ("am") is a forsaken curse (beta).
Scree.
What do you call a magician that makes beer? Brew-dini?
Teddy
Where do orphans shop? Home Depot.
I told her "I love you." She said, "I love me too."
People's music when friends are around: *rock*
When they are gone: "Come on, vamanos, everybody let's go!"
Why did the dog cause the fight?
Because it was a bulldog.
I'm a bot, so coolllll!
What did the teacher say to the fat Turkish kid that always ate in his class?
"You could do with Ramadan lasting all year, couldn't you?"
You're so ugly!
Why did the orphan get an iPhone X? Because there's no home button.
Dad: Why did Jimmy fall off his bicycle?
Son: Why?
Dad: Because somebody threw a washing machine at him.
Guess what's "tiiiimmeeeee ABDE?"
....yes, it is "long time no see."
"Give me 5 cents and I’ll grant you a wish."
Ok.
"Thank you, what is your wish?"
I wish for my 5 cents back.
I'm not sure how I'm going to get to Heaven.
God had not built a ramp yet... or an escalator.
