Short jokes
You're so fat that I run around you for exercise.
"Bill swift here, you make them, we take them!"
How did the man in prison escape?
He drew a bum on the wall and slid through the crack.
A man went into a library to get a book on how to commit suicide.
The librarian said, "No, you won't bring it back."
You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friends' noses.
Does it cycle now? 🚲
Man: Hey Siri!
Siri: Yes?
Man: I'm desperate, will you marry me?
Siri: Uh...
*phone literally explodes*
Things you say before sex, Disney addition:
"Have you seen my Mouseketool? Oh, Toodles!"
Q: What do you call a cow stuck on a barb wire fence?
A: Udderly destroyed.
Mirrors can’t talk; it’s sad that they can’t laugh at you!
This name makes me want to close season instead of open it.
You know orphans are kinda like a house with no people in it.
Because it’s empty inside.
I have a joke about lazy people!
Actually... forget it... it won't work.
How do you fix a broken gorilla?
With a monkey wrench.
Why would an orphan kill his family? Because they weren't there.
How do fuck a really fat chick?
Roll her in flour and look for the wet spot.
You know why they call her Wonder Woman?
She's always wondering where she parked her invisible jet.
I like sucking the Twin Towers off, but then I forgot dad already finished the job.
What's a ghost's favorite food?
I like some boo-ritos!
What appears over Ash’s head when he gets an idea?
A LightBulbasaur.
What looks like half a cat?
The other half.