Short jokes
What's the difference between my dad and milk? There is no difference; they both left.
What did the wizard say when he was filling up the gas tank? "Expensive Petroleum!"
What do you call a wizard who can't secure a girl? Fumbledore.
If Donald Trump gets any worse, they'll have to replace Air Force One with a short bus.
The general proofreading Hitler's speeches was the original Grammar Nazi.
What's something you can say in church and while having sex?
I come in the name of the Lord.
What does a Jew expecting guests say?
"Oy, vey, are they here yet?"
What the fluff happened to this website?
Why I can’t be skinny? I hurt myself for fatting. - Jenny
Hello please I want gain wait. - Jenny year later.
What’s a rapper’s favorite EXERCISE?
Flexin’.
What do you call a prostitute in a wheelchair?
Hot wheels.
I've asked so many people what LGBTQ stands for. So far, no one has given me a straight answer.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Bill Cosby.
Bill Cosby who?
Never mind, I’ll come back when you’re sleeping.
Why can’t Helen Keller jump out of an airplane?
It scares the shit out of her dog.
"Lettuce" stop making vegetable puns. We don't carrot all about them and they're not a-peas-ing.
Why do Blondes never suffer from headaches?
No brain, no pain.
What’s the difference between Santa and my dad?
Santa got the milk.
What does an autistic kid and a loaf of bread have in common?
They both have special needs.
What do hockey players and Surrey girls have in common?
They both only change their pads after every third period!
Yo, stop making 9/11 jokes. My grandpa was a pilot.