Short jokes

A new feature that we are bringing to the Olympics is 3D viewing. So if you're watching the javelin, I would look away now.

Wanted: Sperm donors. Please come quickly!

And Sterling has taken a dive.

That's all for financial news, back to the football.

I am Thor.

And next year, I will be five.

You have been accused of stealing toilet rolls. How do you plead?

Guilty or not guilty?

We have a new member of staff here today. He has no arms, no legs, and no body. He will be known as "The Head."

Pineapple turnover.

Hello, I'm C-3PO. And this is my brother, WD-40.

A few days ago, I phoned up the spiritual leader of Tibet, and he sent me a large goat with a long neck. Turns out I phoned Dial-a-Llama.

My parents said they had to make a lot of sacrifices in order to pay for my education.

They were both druids.

I would like to tell you the name of a song I showed to my friend who had an overdose of LSD.

I see a dreamer.

I have the best joke:

"You."

A Chelsea fan called Timo Werner on his phone to encourage him during his bad form. Timo Werner still missed all the calls.

Hi guys, I'm back! So I have a question for you. What is red and smells like blue paint? Type in comments what you came up with.

Why is Mercury filled with Beryllium, Gold, and Titanium?

Mercury is Be-Au-Ti-Full!

How many victims does Shaw have?

We don’t know yet. It’s four years and counting.

An acronym for penis is Proton-enhanced nuclear induction spectroscopy. So just remember, the word "nuclear" is part of a penis.

If there's a guy without legs, he begins to hear boss music when a stack of shelves appear.

I think I am a boomerang because I always come back to you.

Why are all fat people bad drivers?

They are all hungover.