Short jokes

Mommy, Mommy, are you an archer?

"Shut up and keep the apple on your head still."

You lost 30 lbs when you joined Weight Watchers, and lost another 10 lbs when they shaved your back.

What is the same with emos and orphans? They both are unwanted.

What kind of streets do ghosts haunt?

Dead ends.

Your mom is so fat, when she swam in the sea, Wales came up to her and said, "We are family, even now you’re fatter than me."

Why are natives called redskins? Idk, ask the pilgrims 😂

Grandma isn’t responding. Close app, wait, cancel.

Which do you choose?

Ok ok ok so 7 ate 9, but why was 10 scared? Because it was in the middle of 9/11.

Knock knock. Who's there? Beep boop S.t.e.p.h.e.n beep boop H.a.w.k.i.n.g.

At least he got D.L.A. (Disability Living Allowance), so it's not all bad. Every cloud has a silver lining...even a mushroom cloud.

If you look up the word "wheelchair" in a dictionary, you will see a picture of Stephen Hawking.

Stephen Hawking doesn't go for a stroll. He goes for a roll.

It puts a whole new spin on meals on wheels. No pun intended.

Oh, ate the cheese? Urmom.

No, Stephen Hawking wasn't the first man to walk on the moon.

I asked an American if their national anthem was "Pumped Up Kicks."

"We can't go under... We can't go over... Oh no, we got to go through it!"

What's the difference between a hundred decapitated babies and a Ferrari?

I don't have a Ferrari in my garage :|

Yo momma so fat, when she pulled out the chair, it screamed and broke itself.

Q. What is Terri Schiavo's favorite Eminem song?

A. "Till I Collapse."