Short jokes
I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into the school fire and said, "Hot wheels!"
When I was recently standing in front of a huge puddle with my buddy, I remembered how he tricked me a week ago. So I tricked him...
What did the Japanese man say to his friend after he killed somebody?
"That is very Wong."
My friend is an amazing hacker. He cut down 23 trees already.
Q. How does an ISIS terrorist practice safe sex?
A. He marks the camels that kick.
I rate the atmosphere of Israel a 10/7; real good stuff there, looks like an actual movie!
Why were there only 3,000 Mexicans at the Battle of the Alamo?
'Cause they only had 4 trucks.
I’m always the first person in line at school for lunch.
I just cut everyone.
Monkeys are big, but they sure can swing very lightly.
Being unemployed is like watching our president fall over himself on the stairs.
There’s no hope.
How do you know if you’ve walked into a sex addicts' counselling session?
The psychologist will thank you for coming.
Imagine playing Subway Surfers in real life.
The creator's son tried that!
(My friends said to post this. I accept no responsibility.)
Do you know why dinosaurs can't eat hyenas?
Because they're dead! The last thing they ate was some rock.
What is the easiest way to get into a busy hospital? Try to commit suicide.
(YES I KNOW I SPELLED SCUCIDE WRONG)
New business idea: let's put a KFC in Africa and a watermelon shop.
I saw two really tall guys. I walked up and said, "I didn't know we still have the Twin Towers!"
Your cut [is] so broke, even Bob the Builder can't fix it.
What's the difference between a baby and a bowling ball?
A bowling ball doesn't cry when you put your fingers in it.
What do you get when you mix a grizzly bear and milk? Mauled.
Why does Russia suck at chess? They only have pawns.