Short jokes
VVD [is] better than Sergio Ramos.
If a chicken flies into the plane and the plane crashes, whose fault is it?
A: The driver's. Chickens can't fly.
Who did a barber win a race?
He knew a short cut.
The other day my girlfriend asked me to hand her the red lipstick, so I handed her the dog.
Teacher: Tell me about the history of Tsar Nicholas (blah blah blah).
Student: How should I know, that's his story?
My jokes are pretty "bone-arifick," if I say so myself. Hehhehe... Get it?
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
Because he was part of the Lazy Bones team!
What’s the hardest part about being friends with a turtle?
Getting them to come out of their shell.
What fruit is square and green? A lemon in disguise.
What's the most confusing day of the year for an illegitimate kid?
Father's Day.
I see 6 letters in "the past."
I have 2020 vision.
I see 7 letters in "the future," I have 2021 vision.
What does the chicken say when he didn't understand something?
"What hap-HENd?"
Why does new pavement smell like butt?
In other words you can also call it asphalt.
Ass-phalt.
What can you catch but not throw?
A cold!
What’s a foot on one end, a foot on the other end, and a foot in the middle?
A meter stick.
Why does a robot malfunction when they get sad?
Because they have a break down.
What’s the difference between 69 and a family reunion?
You only see one asshole in 69.
What do you call a female octopus? An octopussy.
What do you say to your pony when it's being wild?
Stop horsing around!
How do you trap a shape? You use a trapezoid.