Mix Jokes

Yo mama so fat, she got mixed up with Godzilla

Someone at school judged my grammar. I judged theirs by the terms "school" and "rifle range" being mixed up the next day.

What do you get when you mix birth control and LSD? A trip without kids.

If you mixed the iraq wheat scandal with the basics card paying other people's dole to your wife and tumble dried it in a royal commission that made your priestly mates look bad what would you get? Tony Abbott's career

what do u get when u mix a cow with a eathquake?? milkshake

Why did Hitler turn to genocide after a failed career as an artist? He never learned to mix the colors

What do you get when you mix a white guy and a fire?

A firecracker

IN memory of Michael Jackson, various ice cream companies are introducing the jackson Chocolte ice cream, it is either 50 year old cream mixed in with 10 year old nuts, or 7 year old vanilla ice cream with 50 year old chocolate drizled on 4 year old tiny nuts.

Me=looks like a girl, sure as h3ll i don't sound like one Micheal Jackson=looks like a boy, sure as h3ll don't sound like one that we have i commen, but if you mix up my gender i won't give a F about it Micheal Jackson not so much : )

So do you guys know those waterslides that you stand in, and then they suddenly drop you straight down onto the water slide? If not, look them up on YouTube, there's nothing like them.

Ah yes, the sweet memories of my first time on one of these. I feel that my mental/emotional scars have healed enough to tell this gem.

At the time my girlfriend, now Fiancée, worked as a photographer for one of those resorts with the indoor and outdoor water parks. One of her perks was that her and a family member/friend could get into the waterpark for free, so one hot summer day she had off and we both decided it'd be fun to go there and cool down for the day.

While we were there, I discovered one of there most "Thrilling" looking waterslides. Basically you stand in this tube, and then the slide operator presses a button and this slide drops you straight down a good 90 FEET, before you actually start going down the water slide. Me, being a thrill seeker, of course had to try it. So I made the great climb up to the top of the slide, stood in line, and finally it was my turn. Once I got in the tube, the operator told me to keep my legs crossed. Now I'm a pretty big heavy guy, so I was like "That's uncomfortable as fuck, I'm not doing that". So there I was standing in the tube, having a panic attack from anticipation, with my legs not crossed. The operator finally presses the button, the bottom opens and I fall straight down the water slide. Very quickly I realized why they have you cross your legs. Water shot so far up my ass, so fast, I swear I tasted it in my mouth. My body raced down that slide, as I questioned every life choice that I have ever made.

Once I made it to the bottom, I sat there for a moment, absolutely violated. I felt like someone in an episode of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit. I built up the courage to finally stand up, and all I could feel was the nice warm stream of water mixed with shit, and maybe a little bit of blood shoot out of my ass faster than the Steamboat Geyser at Yellowstone National Park. I quickly got off the slide and ran to the bathroom, with a trail of shitty water tailing me as the slide operator stared in awe. They had to shut down the slide for the rest of the day :'), but man was my asshole clean after that!

Moral of the story: Keep your damn legs crossed on waterslides.

Same thing goes when you are at bible study with a handsy priest.

Do you mix concrete for a living? Because you’re making me hard.

Roses are red violets are blue when I saw you I thought you can mix too

What is a leaf mixed with mud called? Ligma. Ligma balls.

Instead of oboma it was supposed to be Osama pretending I got their names mixed up

What do you get when you mix a 737 and 767

a 797

Teacher: Little Johnny, why are you late again? Little Johnny: I had to be their for the birth of our first mixed cow, the white cow fell on the mud! (The teacher faints)

Made by Evie and Peyton and Peyton’s Mom

what do you get when you mix a redneck and spicy food?

the worst shits you'll ever see

🤔 😳 😫 😕 What do you 📞 🤔 😏 😄 😜 🤔 😏 call physically handicapped ♿ homophobic heterosexual men and woman in wheelchairs? ♿ mixed nuts 🤪 😜 🤪 😜 🤪 😜 🤪 😜 🤪 😜 🤪 😜 🤪 😜 🤪 😜 👨 👩 👨 👩 👨 👩 👨 👩 👨 👩 👨 👩 👨 👩 👨 👩 👨 👩 👨 👩 👨 👩 👨 👩

so you know theres likedog mixes rhight like a snoodle and that stuuf right so why cant a bull dog and a shight shu cant be mixed cause if they did it would be called bullshit