Short jokes

Wife: [Looks] in the mirror. Wife: I look fat, can you say something positive? Husband: At least your eyes work.

Your hairline and the universe have one thing in common: they’re yet to be discovered.

I was at a funeral and made a joke. No one laughed, but someone died.

Why do-- wait, what am I saying? What am I talking about?

Being a police officer in Nunavut must be so fun. They get to play Cut the Rope on the job all the time!

A boy's hairline is always in the back of his head, and its shape is like a check mark.

My father, who flew the plane, couldn't have a funeral, he went everywhere.

Your hairline is gone because you never bathed or brushed.

It looks like Kevin Magnussen finally got pole position.

He has the bragging rights that he took over Russia now.

What did the Turkey say to the other Turkey?

"They forgot the stuffing!"

What did the fat guy say to the tree?

"Get me some coconuts!"

My hair goes just onto my collar bones. WOW! That's longer than I'll live.

Bro, the Twin Towers are like my grandpa and his friends. One survived—my grandpa. The others have fallen—his friends.

Chrome turns you into chrome, but there is a chrome back bling, and it does nothing to you.

Billy: Hey kid, why are you sad?

Orphan: Oh, I'm waiting for my parents.

Billy: Oh, and how long have you been here?

Orphan: About 200 years.

Your mum's hairline was so big that Dora the Explorer could not find it.

British emo people be like, "Oi, I'm upset."

I am sure this was the type of economy Judas Iscariot was in when he betrayed Jesus.

Why are tomatoes green? Because they rot, like your mum.

Take a step back... just like your hairline did.