Short jokes
Why did the depressed person rob a bank? Because you're not killing yourself if a cop does it for you!
I was asked at school to draw a line across the paper, but instead I showed them my wrists.
Why can’t Jesus be born in West Virginia?
Because they couldn’t find three wise men or a virgin.
Amber Heard's Morning Routine
Wake Up. Eat Breakfast. Take a Shit. Get Out of Bed.
Why don't witches wear underwear?
So they can get a better grip on their broom.
Me: spreading positivity.
Everyone else at the HIV testing center.
Tits are like Lego bricks. They're there for the kid, but dad ends up playing with them.
I would tell you a construction pun, but I'm still working on it.
Your hairline goes back to when Adam and Eve were born.
My Xbox has been acting up lately... So I painted it black to make it run faster.
Why did the chicken go to KFC? ... To visit his family.
If you get pinched by a man in a wheelchair, can you call it a "hit and can't run?"
Q: What's the best part about gardening?
A: Getting down and dirty with your hoes.
When you suffer from depression and somebody tells you to just cheer up-- Me: My goodness, what an idea! Why didn't I think of this before?
After an explosion at a French cheese factory... all that was left was De Brie.
Why is Santa's sack so big?
He only comes once a year.
What did the kid with no arms get for Christmas?
A pair of gloves!
Nah, I’m not that mean, he’s still trying to open his presents.
Why do emo people want to be called scene now? The only thing I've seen from them is their suicide rate climbing.
I just found out my ex got stabbed today... let's just say I lost my job as a butcher.
I'm a Model. My doctor asked me to make an acronym for POST because I post pictures on Instagram.
(Trying to) P-ut O-ff Suicidal T-houghts