Short jokes
Life is like a penis: women make it hard for no reason.
Amber Heard's Morning Routine
Wake Up. Eat Breakfast. Take a Shit. Get Out of Bed.
Why don't witches wear underwear?
So they can get a better grip on their broom.
Tits are like Lego bricks. They're there for the kid, but dad ends up playing with them.
I would tell you a construction pun, but I'm still working on it.
Your hairline goes back to when Adam and Eve were born.
If you get pinched by a man in a wheelchair, can you call it a "hit and can't run?"
Why did the chicken go to KFC? ... To visit his family.
You shouldn’t bully fat people.
They already have enough on their plate.
When you suffer from depression and somebody tells you to just cheer up-- Me: My goodness, what an idea! Why didn't I think of this before?
Q: What's the best part about gardening?
A: Getting down and dirty with your hoes.
Why is Santa's sack so big?
He only comes once a year.
What did the kid with no arms get for Christmas?
A pair of gloves!
Nah, I’m not that mean, he’s still trying to open his presents.
I just found out my ex got stabbed today... let's just say I lost my job as a butcher.
I'm a Model. My doctor asked me to make an acronym for POST because I post pictures on Instagram.
(Trying to) P-ut O-ff Suicidal T-houghts
What is black and screams?
Stevie Wonder answering the iron.
Wanna hear a terrible joke?
Paper
Pretty tear-able, huh?
Ever since I needed a wheelchair, my husband has been so rude. He’s been pushing me around and talking behind my back.
Looks like the gene pool in your family is about three inches deep.
So, I hooked up with a girl at a party, but I forgot that it was a family reunion.
(SWEET HOME ALABAMA STARTS PLAYING)