Short jokes
How did the Germans conquer Poland so fast? They marched in backwards and the Polish people thought they were leaving.
Why can’t Jesus be born in West Virginia?
Because they couldn’t find three wise men or a virgin.
I keep getting these letters from this little girl every year on Father's Day. I told the orphanage to stop letting her send these.
Amber Heard's Morning Routine
Wake Up. Eat Breakfast. Take a Shit. Get Out of Bed.
Me: spreading positivity.
Everyone else at the HIV testing center.
Why don't witches wear underwear?
So they can get a better grip on their broom.
Tits are like Lego bricks. They're there for the kid, but dad ends up playing with them.
I would tell you a construction pun, but I'm still working on it.
Your hairline goes back to when Adam and Eve were born.
My Xbox has been acting up lately... So I painted it black to make it run faster.
If you get pinched by a man in a wheelchair, can you call it a "hit and can't run?"
Why did the chicken go to KFC? ... To visit his family.
When you suffer from depression and somebody tells you to just cheer up-- Me: My goodness, what an idea! Why didn't I think of this before?
Q: What's the best part about gardening?
A: Getting down and dirty with your hoes.
After an explosion at a French cheese factory... all that was left was De Brie.
In Syria, there are no Walmarts, only Targets.
Why is Santa's sack so big?
He only comes once a year.
What did the kid with no arms get for Christmas?
A pair of gloves!
Nah, I’m not that mean, he’s still trying to open his presents.
Up into the sky so very far, here comes Dr. Seuss! "ALLAHU AKBAR", at the ripe old age of 97, he committed 9/11.
Why do emo people want to be called scene now? The only thing I've seen from them is their suicide rate climbing.