Short jokes
I would tell you a construction pun, but I'm still working on it.
Nobody
Literally nobody
Gordan Ramsey: do you need me to bring Hitler back to life so he can show you how to use a fucking oven?
What do you call a chair that smokes weed?
A high chair.
Why did the chicken go to KFC? ... To visit his family.
Q: What's the best part about gardening?
A: Getting down and dirty with your hoes.
When you suffer from depression and somebody tells you to just cheer up-- Me: My goodness, what an idea! Why didn't I think of this before?
I'm a Model. My doctor asked me to make an acronym for POST because I post pictures on Instagram.
(Trying to) P-ut O-ff Suicidal T-houghts
Wanna hear a terrible joke?
Paper
Pretty tear-able, huh?
What is black and screams?
Stevie Wonder answering the iron.
What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair?
RC-XD incoming.
Looks like the gene pool in your family is about three inches deep.
Your hairline is more bent than James Charles' gender.
So, I hooked up with a girl at a party, but I forgot that it was a family reunion.
(SWEET HOME ALABAMA STARTS PLAYING)
What does a glory hole and a confessional booth have in common?
A blowjob is anonymous.
What did the beach say as the tide came in?
Long time, no sea.
Instead of Edward Scissorhands, I’m Edwardscissor wrists.
Me: spreading positivity.
Everyone else at the HIV testing center.
Amber Heard's Morning Routine
Wake Up. Eat Breakfast. Take a Shit. Get Out of Bed.
What do you get when you cross a vacuum and a rooster?
A cock sucker.
You wanna know what I want for Christmas? My dad to come back with the milk he said he was gonna get.