How does Jesus make tea?
Hebrews it.
Short Jokes
How many screws does it take to construct a lesbian's bed?
None, it's all tongue and groove...
Q. What is the difference between a normal kid and an emo kid? A. The phrase "jump rope" means different things.
I was kidnapped by mimes once. They did unspeakable things to me.
Why did the depressed person rob a bank? Because you're not killing yourself if a cop does it for you!
What do you call a Chinese man with a camera?
Phill Ming.
I saw a fat girl with a 'Guess' t-shirt, so I said, "286lb."
How did the Germans conquer Poland so fast? They marched in backwards and the Polish people thought they were leaving.
What does a cannibal and a spider have in common?
Both have eight legs.
When you accidentally turn in your suicide note instead of your essay to the teacher, but she still gives you an A.
What do you call a single bisexual?
All bi myself.
Life is like a penis: women make it hard for no reason.
Roses are red, life has no meaning, voices in my head, are constantly screaming.
Why don't witches wear underwear?
So they can get a better grip on their broom.
I would tell you a construction pun, but I'm still working on it.
Tits are like Lego bricks. They're there for the kid, but dad ends up playing with them.
When you suffer from depression and somebody tells you to just cheer up-- Me: My goodness, what an idea! Why didn't I think of this before?
What was Michael Jackson's favorite dessert? Cream pie.
Nobody
Literally nobody
Gordan Ramsey: do you need me to bring Hitler back to life so he can show you how to use a fucking oven?
Your hairline is so bad, the cops had to do a breathalyzer test on your barber.
