Short jokes

Go Kermit, toaster bath.

Why are people in Japan always skinny?

Because last time there was a "Fat Man", a whole city disappeared.

Me: Happy birthday! I got you a Rubix cube! Friend: I hate you. Me: Why? Friend: I'm color blind.

Did you know when scientists discovered atoms could split, it blew them all away?

Q. What is the difference between a normal kid and an emo kid? A. The phrase "jump rope" means different things.

What are the big mouths of feminists good for? Portable urinal for men.

In a cruel twist of irony, Stephen Hawking's favorite song was "I've Got the Power."

They named a road after George Floyd. It was a dead end, though.

Rape jokes are like your dad's dick. You don't want it but you still get it anyway.

How does Jesus make tea?

Hebrews it.

You know, people should really stop making fun of 911....both my parents died.

One driving one plane, and the other driving the other.

Life is like a penis: women make it hard for no reason.

What do you call a single bisexual?

All bi myself.

Why did the depressed person rob a bank? Because you're not killing yourself if a cop does it for you!

I was kidnapped by mimes once. They did unspeakable things to me.

I saw a fat girl with a 'Guess' t-shirt, so I said, "286lb."

How did the Germans conquer Poland so fast? They marched in backwards and the Polish people thought they were leaving.

What do you call a Chinese man with a camera?

Phill Ming.

What does a cannibal and a spider have in common?

Both have eight legs.

The suicide hotline didn't even give me advice on how to kill myself. Not helpful at all.