Short jokes
Me: Happy birthday! I got you a Rubix cube! Friend: I hate you. Me: Why? Friend: I'm color blind.
Did you know when scientists discovered atoms could split, it blew them all away?
Q. What is the difference between a normal kid and an emo kid? A. The phrase "jump rope" means different things.
What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair?
RC-XD incoming.
Nobody
Literally nobody
Gordan Ramsey: do you need me to bring Hitler back to life so he can show you how to use a fucking oven?
Helen Keller picked up a cheese grater, it was the most violent story she'd ever read.
What are the big mouths of feminists good for? Portable urinal for men.
What do you call a night guard at the glory hole inside a adult bookstore?
Guardian of the confessional booth.
How does Jesus make tea?
Hebrews it.
What do you call a chair that smokes weed?
A high chair.
What do Catholic priests and school shooters have in common?
They both like to dump their loads into little kids.
How did the Germans conquer Poland so fast? They marched in backwards and the Polish people thought they were leaving.
You know, people should really stop making fun of 911....both my parents died.
One driving one plane, and the other driving the other.
Why did the depressed person rob a bank? Because you're not killing yourself if a cop does it for you!
I was kidnapped by mimes once. They did unspeakable things to me.
I keep getting these letters from this little girl every year on Father's Day. I told the orphanage to stop letting her send these.
I was asked at school to draw a line across the paper, but instead I showed them my wrists.
What do you call a Chinese man with a camera?
Phill Ming.
What does a cannibal and a spider have in common?
Both have eight legs.
What do you call a single bisexual?
All bi myself.