Short jokes
How does a crazy person get to the woods?
He takes the psychopath.
What do you call a drunk, depressed man that skydives?
Splattered.
Why do bees have sticky hair? They always use honeycombs.
Go Kermit, toaster bath.
What's the worst thing to say at a funeral? "Hi guys, welcome to my unboxing video!"
In a cruel twist of irony, Stephen Hawking's favorite song was "I've Got the Power."
Did you know when scientists discovered atoms could split, it blew them all away?
Q. What is the difference between a normal kid and an emo kid? A. The phrase "jump rope" means different things.
What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair?
RC-XD incoming.
What do you call a night guard at the glory hole inside a adult bookstore?
Guardian of the confessional booth.
What are the big mouths of feminists good for? Portable urinal for men.
You shouldn’t bully fat people.
They already have enough on their plate.
How does Jesus make tea?
Hebrews it.
What do you call a chair that smokes weed?
A high chair.
Ever since I needed a wheelchair, my husband has been so rude. He’s been pushing me around and talking behind my back.
How many police officers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they just beat the room for being black.
Life is like a penis: women make it hard for no reason.
How did the Germans conquer Poland so fast? They marched in backwards and the Polish people thought they were leaving.
I was kidnapped by mimes once. They did unspeakable things to me.
I keep getting these letters from this little girl every year on Father's Day. I told the orphanage to stop letting her send these.