Short jokes
Your hairline is more bent than James Charles' gender.
What do you call a drunk, depressed man that skydives?
Splattered.
How does a crazy person get to the woods?
He takes the psychopath.
What's the worst thing to say at a funeral? "Hi guys, welcome to my unboxing video!"
Go Kermit, toaster bath.
Why do bees have sticky hair? They always use honeycombs.
In a cruel twist of irony, Stephen Hawking's favorite song was "I've Got the Power."
Did you know when scientists discovered atoms could split, it blew them all away?
Q. What is the difference between a normal kid and an emo kid? A. The phrase "jump rope" means different things.
What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair?
RC-XD incoming.
What are the big mouths of feminists good for? Portable urinal for men.
What do you call a night guard at the glory hole inside a adult bookstore?
Guardian of the confessional booth.
How does Jesus make tea?
Hebrews it.
What do you call a chair that smokes weed?
A high chair.
Ever since I needed a wheelchair, my husband has been so rude. He’s been pushing me around and talking behind my back.
How many police officers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they just beat the room for being black.
Life is like a penis: women make it hard for no reason.
I was kidnapped by mimes once. They did unspeakable things to me.
Why did the depressed person rob a bank? Because you're not killing yourself if a cop does it for you!
I was asked at school to draw a line across the paper, but instead I showed them my wrists.