Short jokes

You shouldn’t bully fat people.

They already have enough on their plate.

Instead of Edward Scissorhands, I’m Edwardscissor wrists.

My Xbox has been acting up lately... So I painted it black to make it run faster.

A feminist asked me how I view lesbian relationships.

Apparently, "in HD" wasn't a good answer.

Me: spreading positivity.

Everyone else at the HIV testing center.

People keep telling me that I should stop making sh jokes... bro it's not that deep.

What's the laziest mountain?

Mount Ever-rest.

What's both red, white and sometimes purple?

My arms...

Bully: "Nobody loves you."

Me: "Aww, it must have hurt when your mom told you that."

What do Catholic priests and school shooters have in common?

They both like to dump their loads into little kids.

If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?

What does a glory hole and a confessional booth have in common?

A blowjob is anonymous.

Up into the sky so very far, here comes Dr. Seuss! "ALLAHU AKBAR", at the ripe old age of 97, he committed 9/11.

Once you go Asian, you can solve the equation.

Why do emo people want to be called scene now? The only thing I've seen from them is their suicide rate climbing.

What do turtles and lesbians have in common? They both choke on plastic.

So, some thieves robbed me the other day. They took everything I owned, except for the soap, towels, and deodorant.

Dirty bastards.

If I were a party, then anxiety must be the cousin depression felt obligated to bring to the party, and insomnia the little annoying sibling.

What does Stephen Hawking have in common with a bull? They both charge.

My wrists have a different texture pack than the rest of me.