What do you call a chair that smokes weed?
A high chair.
Short Jokes
What does a glory hole and a confessional booth have in common?
A blowjob is anonymous.
Why do emo people want to be called scene now? The only thing I've seen from them is their suicide rate climbing.
Once you go Asian, you can solve the equation.
So, some thieves robbed me the other day. They took everything I owned, except for the soap, towels, and deodorant.
Dirty bastards.
Why is Santa's sack so big?
He only comes once a year.
If I were a party, then anxiety must be the cousin depression felt obligated to bring to the party, and insomnia the little annoying sibling.
What does Stephen Hawking have in common with a bull? They both charge.
How do you help a suicidal person cheer up?
You tell them it's a leap of faith.
After an explosion at a French cheese factory... all that was left was De Brie.
Q: What's the best part about gardening?
A: Getting down and dirty with your hoes.
Your hairline goes back to when Adam and Eve were born.
I told my friend yesterday he's literally my dad.
He didn't show up for the rest of the year.
Helen Keller picked up a cheese grater, it was the most violent story she'd ever read.
Ever since I needed a wheelchair, my husband has been so rude. Heβs been pushing me around and talking behind my back.
Yo, forehead is so big...the photo on yo driver's license says "to be continued on the back."
My Xbox has been acting up lately... So I painted it black to make it run faster.
How do you make 7 an even number? Take the "s" out!
What did the kid with no arms get for Christmas?
A pair of gloves!
Nah, Iβm not that mean, heβs still trying to open his presents.
Why was I stress eating on the train track?
To wait to get hit.
