Short jokes
I just found out my ex got stabbed today... let's just say I lost my job as a butcher.
I'm a Model. My doctor asked me to make an acronym for POST because I post pictures on Instagram.
(Trying to) P-ut O-ff Suicidal T-houghts
Wanna hear a terrible joke?
Paper
Pretty tear-able, huh?
What did the choir boy sing to the priest? Nothing, his mouth was full.
Looks like the gene pool in your family is about three inches deep.
(This is a fucked up pick up line). Are you a building? Because I rate you 9/11.
So, I hooked up with a girl at a party, but I forgot that it was a family reunion.
(SWEET HOME ALABAMA STARTS PLAYING)
Roses are red, Burnt bodies are black.
You'd look great With a knife in your back.
What is black and screams?
Stevie Wonder answering the iron.
If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?
What did the beach say as the tide came in?
Long time, no sea.
What do turtles and lesbians have in common? They both choke on plastic.
You call it a tragedy. I call it a 25 killstreak.
Instead of Edward Scissorhands, I’m Edwardscissor wrists.
I told my friend yesterday he's literally my dad.
He didn't show up for the rest of the year.
So, some thieves robbed me the other day. They took everything I owned, except for the soap, towels, and deodorant.
Dirty bastards.
What's the laziest mountain?
Mount Ever-rest.
How do emos propose?
"Would you like to join my family tree?"
People keep telling me that I should stop making sh jokes... bro it's not that deep.
What's both red, white and sometimes purple?
My arms...