Short jokes
How did "Bloody Mary" become a thing?
Because her husband beat her bloody when she didn't stay in the kitchen.
Why does the Please Touch Museum sound like "police touch museum?"
Because they gotta watch out for the pedos.
I can't have my Oreos 😭 Why?
My dad still hasn't came back with that God damn milk.
Your momma's so fat that she's used goods, like the Russian tanks.
What is an oven that you don’t own? Nacho oven.
What is an orphan's favorite game?
Solitaire.
We should stop being mean to orphans.
We should be cruel instead.
What's common in vampires and American kids?
They both don't get old.
How do sick Mexicans say hello?
"Ebola."
Where do terrorists go for food? The Allah snack bar.
Why was the North Tower a bad doctor when the South Tower collapsed?
Because the North Tower didn’t do CPR.
What happened to people in Hiroshima and Nagasaki? They swapped races.
Why did the house go to the doctor?
Because it had a window pane.
What's a lesbian's favorite weapon?
A finger-gun👉👌
What do you call a fat Indian sat on the floor?
A meatball/malteser.
Me: Breathe right now if you wanna date me.
Hey Siri, skip to Friday!
Why did the T-Rex not clap when you won a prize?
Because it's dead.
For some reason a group of emo kids are following me because I gave them a Happy Meal.
Your forehead is so big, the earth split in half!