Short jokes
The police gave you a fine for not fixing your ugly hairline.
Your mum is so fat, when she roleplayed Wonder Woman, she couldn't fit in the invisible jet.
Cars are like bullets; you jump in front of one, and they solve all your problems.
I could have sworn while watching anime I saw an American Boeing B-29 Superfortress in the background dropping bombs!
Does money grow on trees? No.
What is money made of? Paper.
What is paper made out of? Trees!
My cousin: “How’s the lemonade stand supposed to run when you’re at softball practice?!”
Me: “Lemonade stands can’t run, dufus.”
Which tower is better at playing catch? The south tower, obviously. It caught 2!
I am awesome, look at me!
Q: I like elephants.
A: Everything else is irrelephant.
I asked the Titanic an icebreaker question.
It couldn't answer.
Bob the builder.
God, you’re having a good day?
Me: Yes, beats burning in hell.
I'll never forget my grandpa's last words:
"You need to park a little closer."
All terrorists like starting a new year off with a bang.
Teach a Scouser to fish and he can eat for a day.
Give him the rod and he will stick it in your letterbox and nick your car keys!
My Mrs is going to hit the roof when she realizes I've replaced the bed with a trampoline!
In a Kahoot, and you're the Twin Tower terrorist: terrorist kill streak 2,996.
Asking for a friend, could anyone please tell me how to politely ask a question for a friend?
What do you call a midget born from precum?
"Half Nut!"
Royal rebel and push so back, they ever marble say that drink pushback.