Short jokes
I wanted to play Fruit Ninja, but remembered I don’t have a phone. Guess I gotta draw fruit on my arm!
What has 4 legs and two gloves?
All five people on my baseball team. ⚾️
"Left, center, right, and apolitical, also skeptical, are also a joke."
"Death to the west!"
Hope the towers are doing well this morning, and I'll get back to you!
Want a kiss, daddy? Want a blow job?
"Hold my beer, watch this."
I know you came here to feel good about yourself...
Q: What did the stop light say to the other stop light?
A: Stop looking, I’m changing!
What did Jamie do after the sucky sucky?
He gagged!
My dogs pooped in my shoes? Pooper.
You're so ugly that I choked and died.
What does a man with 20 children do now?
Now he eats sausages even with cellophane.
What's Mussolini's favorite food?
Fussolini!
I had morning wood one day. Then my sister saw it and said, "I can help!"
What type of bee can't make up his mind?
A maybe.
When you are sitting outside at school and this boy comes up to you with a rock in his hand and says, "Do you know where Mrs. Stewart is at?"
Bowling is like child support: it involves balls.
I constantly wonder how people can live happily ever after, but then I realized that antidepressants don't make you OD.
Why couldn't an eagle do a barrel roll? It's oblivious, it's il-eagle.