Short jokes
When I die, I want to be shot out of a cannon.
And into a children's birthday party.
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
Lick-alot-a-puss.
"Knock, knock."
"Who's there?"
"Bone."
"Bone who?"
"It's nice to meet cha'. Can we be friends? I'm bone-ly here."
What did the hematologist say when his Canadian patient wrote that he's blood type "eh"? "Ah, probably just go with blood typo!"
There are two cows in a field. One says to the other, "I'm cold. Are you cold?"
The other cow says, "Yeah, I'm Fresian."
What's the difference between a gun and my will to live? None, they are both absent.
Time heals all wounds.
Unless you have AIDS, when time kills you slowly and painfully.
What do you call a country with nukes?
Abomination.
We spend the weekend getting the poop out!
Evan, yo mum rode on my big PP love, dad.
Guy feels something on his back.
“Oh God, please let that be a rifle.”
“Nope. I’m just real happy to see you.”
What does the Fox say?
Fraka - kaka - kaka - kow.
My neighbor is in the Guinness World Records.
He has had 44 concussions. He lives very close to me.
A stone’s throw away, in fact.
If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong.
Q. What is the biggest lie in the entire universe?
A. “I have read and agree to the Terms & Conditions.”
How do you punish Helen Keller? Just move the couch.
I play Fortnite, but also I play Minecraft for 14 nights.
What is a bus ride that is dumb? A boring one.
You know how we all have different sides? Well, I have a suicidal side. (Here a bang in the next room.) Oh well, not anymore :)
Why are eggs bad at puns?
They always mix up their yolks!