Short jokes
What mountain do people like to race on?
Mount Rushmore.
Get it?
He only won the election because of rigging.
82 million votes my ass.
Ask me for proof.
How many redheads does it take to change a lightbulb?
One! She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
Okay, so turns out the toasters are not waterproof...
Why is my sister horny? It's because she loves my dick.
Why don't lesbians have sex in the morning?
Have you ever tried pulling apart a grilled cheese?
Little Jimmy has 5 red apples. His dad's car will arrive in 20 minutes. Calculate the mass of the Sun.
Anyone got any good Floyd jokes? I really need them to take my breath away.
Q: What did I find on my son's search history?
A: Where is the nearest gun shop?
What's the difference between a bear with a gun and an American man with a gun?
The bear has common sense not to fire it.
What country did Indians invent?
Curry-a.
What do you do after you rape a deaf girl?
Cut off her fingers so she can't tell anyone.
What's Trump's favorite instrument?
A TRUMPet!!!
What do you call a person whose heart stopped?
Dead.
Why couldn’t the kitten watch the movie? It had a violent cat-e-gory.
I joined the military for the group showers.
Why did Helen Keller's dog run away?
You would too if your name was "Raraaaughhaugh."
What's so bad about 9 divided by 11?
A monk asks the priest if it's okay to kiss a nun.
The priest replies, "Just as long as you don't get in the habit!"
A Lew runs into a wall, what does he break? His Nose.
A Mexican runs into a wall, what does he break? His lawn mower.