Short jokes
Why are eggs bad at puns?
They always mix up their yolks!
I was gonna clean my room
before I got high.
I don't get why it is called abortion instead of murder.
Child: "Mom, what's an 'orgasm'?"
Mom: "I don't know, dear. Try asking your father."
Why shouldn't you let a Chinese person play baseball?
'Cause they'll eat the bat!
How are a woman and a car alike? Put something in them and they'll both start.
I walked into a store, and I pointed a stick to the roof and said, "This is a stick up!"
What should you use to battle a T-Rex?
A dino-sword.
Life has ups and downs, and they had downs.
Why was Stephen Hawking disappointed when he got his Christmas present? It was singing lessons.
One of the students reported a school shooting.
That fucking snitch...
Where did Sally go during the summer? Swimming.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Who.
Who who.
You sound like an owl.
Why is the number 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 8 9.
What do dogs do when they lose their tail?
They go to the retail store.
An autistic man walks into a bra.
Got fired from the bank yesterday.
They caught me drinking on the job.
What did the therapist say to the rapist yes please
I own a pencil that used to be owned by William Shakespeare, but he chewed it a lot.
Now I can't tell if it's 2B or not 2B.
Your forehead is so big that we may as well call it a fivehead.