Short jokes
What did the diver say when he was trapped in seaweed?
- Kelp!
A puma was making another puma laugh. That puma that was laughing said, “Stop making me laugh! I’m gonna puma pants!”
FEMA during a natural disaster is kinda like me during sex. Slow to respond and not a lot of satisfying results.
I'll stop with the horrible puns if you can say a good joke.
Why did all the numbers laugh at 22? Because it had "tu tu's."
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
How do poets say hello?
Hey, haven’t we metaphor?
Did you hear about the Boston marathon? 'Cause, well, I heard it was a blast and that it blew everyone away!
What did the Ford Mustang say to the crowd of innocent people?
I'D HIT THAT!
Question: What did the fish say when he ran into the wall?
Answer: Damn!
I once auditioned to be in Sausage Party. I thought I filled the role well.
The joke is u.
The son margarine shows his father his test that he failed.
Father: Son, you can do butter!
Why is the most popular food at a baseball stadium pancakes? Because everybody likes a good batter!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Europe.
Europe who?
No, I'm not.
I like my coffee like I like my women.
Big tits.
Q. What sound does a sleeping T-Rex make?
A. A dino-snore.
You need to play a B flat, not a C sharp, you just got band!
Person: You suck!
Me: Tell that to your mom, and she’ll say the same thing, honey. 😎
The one thing I love about Steven is he stood up for all of his haters. Just kidding!