Short jokes
What did the police say on the TV during 9/11?
"Call 911!"
The double slit experiment shows light particles are a wave that assemble in your presence. And you didn't even have to say a word!
I pray to a dead human I hope to be reunited with.
Jesus, that's sick.
What do clams do on their birthday? They shell-brate, but they eat all the cake for themselves because they’re shellfish!
Last night I had a dream about fishing poles, turns out it wasn't reel!
I could be red, I could be orange, I could be yellow, I could be green, I could be blue, I could be purple, but I would be dead.
If Finding Nemo was scientifically correct, Marlin would have changed into a female and mated with Nemo.
Helen Keller once dated a brick wall.
Why does everyone respect midgets and dwarves?
They never look down on anyone.
Why do humans hate aliens?
Because Fortnite took them out of the game, and I want aliens back in Fortnite!
I'm Pickle Rick from Fortnite hahahahahaha!
Why did the black lady give the IRS a mason jar full of watermelon seeds?
Tax credit.
Why do orphans like to be robbers in cops and robbers?
So they will be wanted.
Depression :)
My stepdad has stage 4 cancer and is going through chemotherapy... at least he saves money on shampoo and conditioner.
Me :D
Why are Germans so good at cleaning?
They have experience in ethnic cleansing.
What does a blind man and your dick have in common?
They both can’t get up without a dog.
When you're having a normal day at school, but then...
"All the other kids with the pumped up kicks"
Are you the Lusitania 'cause I wanna fire a torpedo into you?