Short jokes
Every time I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep.
There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things, so I unplug them.
Scientists make skyscrapers and airplanes.
Religion crashes them.
When your baby is stillborn and you have a funeral, what song should you never play?
Alphaville - "Forever Young."
Vegan is actually an old Indian word for "bad hunter."
Did you hear about that Muslim party?
It was a blast!
What do you call a prostitute weed dealer?
A pot-hole.
Why can't Asian people use a telephone?
Because they might wing the wrong number.
Why can't orphans be criminals?
Because they're not wanted.
My girlfriend gave me the best blowjobs, then she grew teeth.
What do you call an emo kid with light-up shoes? A human chandelier.
Why was Helen Keller truly an inspiration?
She learned how to read and write despite being from Alabama!
Chuck Norris can toss Jupiter at the Sun with his bare hands.
And he still cannot win a fighting match against Bruce Lee.
The earth used to be flat.
Till they buried yo mama.
What's the difference between a refrigerator and a gay person...
It don't moan when u put milk inside.
What is the difference between an orphan and a cat?
The cat is actually cute.
What do you call a bowling ball that falls from the sky and knocks down all the bowling pins?
An airstrike.
What did Google Translate say to Siri?
"Why are you so Siri-ous?"
Tell your teacher this: "I passed a test that took 60 minutes. It wasn't your work, it wasn't my work, it was hour work!"
Do you know where time is? Because it keeps flying by.
Why is it called a building if it's already built?