Short jokes
What was the knight's name that sat at the round table?
Circumference.
Statistically, 1 in 10 people live next door to a pedophile. But not me, I live next to a 10-year-old boy with a fat ass.
What do you call Stephen Hawking on his period?
Mario Kart.
The other day my wife said, "Take me someplace I have never been before!" I said, "Why don't you try the kitchen?"
My friend asked me to round up here 37 sheep.
I said “40.”
What do fire and people have in common?
They will both eventually die out.
A good bath is like a dead lover.
You can enjoy them, that is until they get too cold.
What did Hitler tell the eye doctor?
“I can na-zi.”
What’s bad about swinging a dead baby above your head?
Stopping it with the shovel!
When it comes to recycling toilet paper, you really need to process the crap out of it.
Only if onions were emo, they'd cut themselves.
How many time does it take to cook a baby in a microwave?
I don’t know, I can’t count while masturbating.
What do you call a bunch of Aboriginals rolling down a hill?
Abo-lanche.
Today I ate out my girlfriend... Jeffrey Dahmer style.
Bro, your toenails are bigger than your IQ.
What's the difference between Jesus and a painting of Jesus?
A painting only takes one nail to be hanged.
So Kobe Bryant walked into a bar, just kidding, he's dead and his fame went spiraling out of control.
I’ve got a joke about Alzheimers.
Um.
Oh no. I can’t actually remember it.
No scope, bitch!
What do you call an orphan family photo?
A selfi.