Short jokes
Two scientists walk into a bar. The first one says, "Can I have a drink of H2O?" Then the second says, "Can I have a drink of H2O2?" and he dies.
Quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack.
Confucius say, man who go through turn table is going to Bangkok.
Viagra is a lot like amusement parks...
It's a one hour wait, for a two-minute ride.
I once had clothes that were so unbearably uncomfortable,
but I never realized they suited me.
The eyelash and the lipstick got into a fight. Soon they will make up.
Play dead, they said.
Wasn't too hard.
I've been dead inside for years.
A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Wow, I've never served a weasel before, what can I get you?" "Pop," goes the weasel.
The lunch lady gave me only one carrot. I didn't carrot all.
Why didn't the drummer play?
Because he got a percussion.
Have you heard my cherry joke? It's pitiful.
Have you heard about the canoe sale down the road? It was an ordeal.
How do you annoy Pinocchio?
Ask him, "Do you always tell lies?"
Some of the best comedians mimic people. I mimic my shadow.
What did Adam say when he saw Eve?
Answer: "Woman!"
Wood-fired pizza.
How would pizza get a job now?
Sheep want to wool the world :)
Don’t you hate it when your teacher(s) say, “just focus, it’s that easy?”
And then you die inside.
I drew a fist on a body, and then I drew a guy saying to him, "That dude's a knucklehead!"
Teacher: What month is it?
Quiet kid: AUG-ust.
Classroom: Visible concern.