Short jokes
Two lepers playing cards... one threw his hand in; the other laughed his head off.
Did you hear that Michael Jackson changed his name from Michael Smith? Well, at least he's honest.
What's the difference between my girlfriend and my sister?
There is no difference.
A student got a bad letter grade, so the next day he came back with his own letter grade in his backpack: an A-K47.
What did Sally say when she was stuck in the water with kelp?
"I need kelp! KELPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP"
They finally made a movie about a clock, about time.
Why did the farmer eat a fork?
'Cause he's a dumbass.
I love to play catch with my dad! He's never there to catch the ball, though.
Paper.
Aww c'mon! I thought my joke made the cut!
Salman Rushdie got a new book out.
It's called "Buddha. You Fat Cunt."
Q: Why did Sally get beat up?
A: She couldn’t fight back.
What did the bottle of conditioner do on the toilet?
Shampoo.
What do you call a baby kangaroo? Joey.
What do you call a 6 year old named Joey? Supper.
Why was Stephen Hawking always bullied?
Because he couldn’t stand up for himself.
You smell like tap water and cornflakes.
Teacher: What does a chicken give you?
Student: An egg!
Teacher: What does a fat cow give you?
Student: Homework!
Where do astronauts 👩🚀 keep their sandwiches 🥪?
In their launch box! 🚀📦😂
What did Spock encounter in the Enterprise toilet?
The Captain's Log.
What's the city with the fastest growing population?
Ireland, cuz it's Dublin everyday!
What is similar about the feelings of a girl's birth daddy and her new pimp daddy?
They both worry about how she will turn out!