Short jokes
Why are so many Americans stupid? Because they shoot the ones that go to school.
I have 206 bones in my body, but when I look at you, I have 207.
Why do Republican men hate transgender people?
Because they lost a dick-measuring contest to a ladyboy in Thailand!
I'm like a broken refrigerator, cool but broken inside.
What did Donald Trump serve Justin Trudeau at the state dinner?
Poutine in traditional Russian dressing!
What's the difference between Donald Trump and Derek Vinyard?
A shaved head, a chest tattoo, and a moustache.
Want to know why parents don't get school shooting jokes?
Because they are aimed at a younger audience.
Yo mama's so ugly, she threw a boomerang and it refused to come back.
Remember, if you are suffering from paranoia...
You are not alone.
What does a relationship and suicide have in common?
I always fail on committing.
What do strippers and peanut butter have in common? They both spread for bread.
When you die, people cry and wish you to come back.
But when you do, people scream and run away.
Why can't Hitler join track?
Because he can't even finish a race.
How do you get your grass to cut itself?
Make it depressed.
I almost got caught watching porn. My mom got the bill for the account, but luckily dad had my back. I mean, we do use the same account.
"Come on, man, give the orphans a break with these jokes."
"No, not until their parents pick them up."
I asked my girlfriend if we could try my rape fantasy last night. She said no. It was the best night of my life.
I have an EpiPen.
My friend gave it to me when he was dying.
It seemed really important to him that I have it.
Why is sex like math? You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there's no multiplying.
What is the difference in having a granny fetish and necrophilia? A few weeks.