Short jokes
What's the difference between Donald Trump and Derek Vinyard?
A shaved head, a chest tattoo, and a moustache.
Remember, if you are suffering from paranoia...
You are not alone.
I'm like a broken refrigerator, cool but broken inside.
Want to know why parents don't get school shooting jokes?
Because they are aimed at a younger audience.
Why can't Hitler join track?
Because he can't even finish a race.
I asked my girlfriend if we could try my rape fantasy last night. She said no. It was the best night of my life.
What’s the opposite of an exorcism?
It’s when Satan has to tell the priest to come out of the child.
What does a relationship and suicide have in common?
I always fail on committing.
What do strippers and peanut butter have in common? They both spread for bread.
When you die, people cry and wish you to come back.
But when you do, people scream and run away.
"Come on, man, give the orphans a break with these jokes."
"No, not until their parents pick them up."
How do you get your grass to cut itself?
Make it depressed.
I almost got caught watching porn. My mom got the bill for the account, but luckily dad had my back. I mean, we do use the same account.
Why is sex like math? You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there's no multiplying.
I have 206 bones in my body, but when I look at you, I have 207.
What is the difference in having a granny fetish and necrophilia? A few weeks.
I wish my hair was depressed.
Cause then it would cut itself.
When Bubba's condom broke, he spent a lot of sleepless nights wondering if he was going to be an uncle or a dad.
I told my girlfriend that the world is flat.
She said, "but the world is round."
I said, babe, you are my world.
What did the Twin Towers' mom say when she fed them? "Open wide honey, here comes the airplane."