Why are so many Americans stupid? Because they shoot the ones that go to school.
Short Jokes
Want to know why parents don't get school shooting jokes?
Because they are aimed at a younger audience.
What do a politician and a minister have in common?
Both of them will tell you anything to get money from you.
I have 206 bones in my body, but when I look at you, I have 207.
Yo mama's so ugly, she threw a boomerang and it refused to come back.
What do strippers and peanut butter have in common? They both spread for bread.
What's the difference between Donald Trump and Derek Vinyard?
A shaved head, a chest tattoo, and a moustache.
What did Donald Trump serve Justin Trudeau at the state dinner?
Poutine in traditional Russian dressing!
Remember, if you are suffering from paranoia...
You are not alone.
What is the difference in having a granny fetish and necrophilia? A few weeks.
How do you get your grass to cut itself?
Make it depressed.
When you die, people cry and wish you to come back.
But when you do, people scream and run away.
"Come on, man, give the orphans a break with these jokes."
"No, not until their parents pick them up."
I have an EpiPen.
My friend gave it to me when he was dying.
It seemed really important to him that I have it.
What does a relationship and suicide have in common?
I always fail on committing.
Why do Republican men hate transgender people?
Because they lost a dick-measuring contest to a ladyboy in Thailand!
If being ugly was a crime, you would get a life sentence.
Why is sex like math? You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there's no multiplying.
I almost got caught watching porn. My mom got the bill for the account, but luckily dad had my back. I mean, we do use the same account.
I wish my hair was depressed.
Cause then it would cut itself.
