Short jokes
I’m not saying you’re going bald, but you’ll find Waldo before you find your hairline.
What did the Twin Towers' mom say when she fed them? "Open wide honey, here comes the airplane."
I threw a lamp at the depressed kid. I was just trying to brighten up his day.
I told my girlfriend that the world is flat.
She said, "but the world is round."
I said, babe, you are my world.
What’s the difference between Stephen Hawking and a walkie talkie? He can’t walkie or talkie.
The judge asked me, "How does 5 to 10 years sound?"
I said, "Sexy."
I don’t know what’s worse: Finding bucket loads of porn on my dad’s laptop, or finding out he was in all of them.
Your hairline is so far back I learned about it in history class.
What do you call an Asian receptionist?
Tai Ping.
What do you call a disabled Asian?
Sum Ting Wong.
If being ugly was a crime, you would get a life sentence.
Walked in to a gun store, everything was half off.
I didn't know back-to-school shopping started.
Someone asked me why I'm still here... the answer is simple: I don't want to be used as a school assembly.
I have an EpiPen.
My friend gave it to me when he was dying.
It seemed really important to him that I have it.
People sometimes ask me why I cut myself. I usually answer that at least I can scan my worth at the supermarket.
I was gonna roast you about your chin, but I didn't know which one to talk about.
Why did Logan Paul go to the suicide forest?
To see who's hanging around.
Why are feminists jealous of men?
Because men don't have to stand up to piss.
Like it if you judge people's hairlines.
The happier they get, the less they see.