Short jokes

When Bubba's condom broke, he spent a lot of sleepless nights wondering if he was going to be an uncle or a dad.

You wanna know why I love trains?

They end my suffering.

Someone asked me why I'm still here... the answer is simple: I don't want to be used as a school assembly.

If being ugly was a crime, you would get a life sentence.

I’m not saying you’re going bald, but you’ll find Waldo before you find your hairline.

People sometimes ask me why I cut myself. I usually answer that at least I can scan my worth at the supermarket.

best friend makes 9/11 joke.

you: "hey, my dad was inside the tower."

best friend: "I'm sorry."

you: "I always knew he was a great pilot."

What do you call an Asian receptionist?

Tai Ping.

What do you call a disabled Asian?

Sum Ting Wong.

Why did Logan Paul go to the suicide forest?

To see who's hanging around.

What’s the difference between Stephen Hawking and a walkie talkie? He can’t walkie or talkie.

Gays: "I like men."

Straight: "I like women."

Bisexual: "A hole is a hole."

I don’t know what’s worse: Finding bucket loads of porn on my dad’s laptop, or finding out he was in all of them.

What did the Twin Towers' mom say when she fed them? "Open wide honey, here comes the airplane."

I have an EpiPen.

My friend gave it to me when he was dying.

It seemed really important to him that I have it.

Your hairline is so far back I learned about it in history class.

Why are feminists always against men?

Because men can piss with something that they can't: piss with dicks.

Tried to kill myself today using a bungee cord, I kept ALMOST dying.

I have 206 bones in my body, but when I look at you, I have 207.

I was gonna roast you about your chin, but I didn't know which one to talk about.