Short jokes

Why can't Hitler join track?

Because he can't even finish a race.

Woah man, you need to take a step back. Your hairline did, so I am sure you can.

I asked my girlfriend if we could try my rape fantasy last night. She said no. It was the best night of my life.

What’s the difference between Stephen Hawking and a walkie talkie? He can’t walkie or talkie.

The judge asked me, "How does 5 to 10 years sound?"

I said, "Sexy."

What do you call a disabled Asian?

Sum Ting Wong.

Someone asked me why I'm still here... the answer is simple: I don't want to be used as a school assembly.

You wanna know why I love trains?

They end my suffering.

People sometimes ask me why I cut myself. I usually answer that at least I can scan my worth at the supermarket.

If being ugly was a crime, you would get a life sentence.

Why did Logan Paul go to the suicide forest?

To see who's hanging around.

What do white people and fences have in common? They both get jumped by Mexicans.

What do you call an Asian receptionist?

Tai Ping.

I don’t know what’s worse: Finding bucket loads of porn on my dad’s laptop, or finding out he was in all of them.

Why are feminists always against men?

Because men can piss with something that they can't: piss with dicks.

When Bubba's condom broke, he spent a lot of sleepless nights wondering if he was going to be an uncle or a dad.

What did the Twin Towers' mom say when she fed them? "Open wide honey, here comes the airplane."

I threw a lamp at the depressed kid. I was just trying to brighten up his day.

My dad and I went to the hospital once, and he said he'd be fine and it'd only take a few minutes.

Lying bastard never came out.

Why are feminists jealous of men?

Because men don't have to stand up to piss.