Short jokes

I wish my hair was depressed.

Cause then it would cut itself.

Your hairline is so far back I learned about it in history class.

The judge asked me, "How does 5 to 10 years sound?"

I said, "Sexy."

When Bubba's condom broke, he spent a lot of sleepless nights wondering if he was going to be an uncle or a dad.

You wanna know why I love trains?

They end my suffering.

Someone asked me why I'm still here... the answer is simple: I don't want to be used as a school assembly.

People sometimes ask me why I cut myself. I usually answer that at least I can scan my worth at the supermarket.

What do you call an Asian receptionist?

Tai Ping.

If being ugly was a crime, you would get a life sentence.

Why did Logan Paul go to the suicide forest?

To see who's hanging around.

Gays: "I like men."

Straight: "I like women."

Bisexual: "A hole is a hole."

What do you call a disabled Asian?

Sum Ting Wong.

I don’t know what’s worse: Finding bucket loads of porn on my dad’s laptop, or finding out he was in all of them.

What’s the difference between a bullet and a Jew?

One comes out of the chamber.

What’s the difference between Stephen Hawking and a walkie talkie? He can’t walkie or talkie.

Why are feminists always against men?

Because men can piss with something that they can't: piss with dicks.

I’m not saying you’re going bald, but you’ll find Waldo before you find your hairline.

Tried to kill myself today using a bungee cord, I kept ALMOST dying.

Like it if you judge people's hairlines.

best friend makes 9/11 joke.

you: "hey, my dad was inside the tower."

best friend: "I'm sorry."

you: "I always knew he was a great pilot."