Short jokes

What did the Twin Towers' mom say when she fed them? "Open wide honey, here comes the airplane."

I told my girlfriend that the world is flat.

She said, "but the world is round."

I said, babe, you are my world.

I’m not saying you’re going bald, but you’ll find Waldo before you find your hairline.

The judge asked me, "How does 5 to 10 years sound?"

I said, "Sexy."

What’s the difference between Stephen Hawking and a walkie talkie? He can’t walkie or talkie.

Your hairline is so far back I learned about it in history class.

I don’t know what’s worse: Finding bucket loads of porn on my dad’s laptop, or finding out he was in all of them.

You wanna know why I love trains?

They end my suffering.

If being ugly was a crime, you would get a life sentence.

What do you call a disabled Asian?

Sum Ting Wong.

Someone asked me why I'm still here... the answer is simple: I don't want to be used as a school assembly.

Walked in to a gun store, everything was half off.

I didn't know back-to-school shopping started.

I have an EpiPen.

My friend gave it to me when he was dying.

It seemed really important to him that I have it.

People sometimes ask me why I cut myself. I usually answer that at least I can scan my worth at the supermarket.

I threw a lamp at the depressed kid. I was just trying to brighten up his day.

I was gonna roast you about your chin, but I didn't know which one to talk about.

What do you call an Asian receptionist?

Tai Ping.

Why did Logan Paul go to the suicide forest?

To see who's hanging around.

Why are feminists jealous of men?

Because men don't have to stand up to piss.

Like it if you judge people's hairlines.