Short jokes

What did the Twin Towers' mom say when she fed them? "Open wide honey, here comes the airplane."

I’m not saying you’re going bald, but you’ll find Waldo before you find your hairline.

The judge asked me, "How does 5 to 10 years sound?"

I said, "Sexy."

best friend makes 9/11 joke.

you: "hey, my dad was inside the tower."

best friend: "I'm sorry."

you: "I always knew he was a great pilot."

What's white with black spots? A cotton field from above.

You wanna know why I love trains?

They end my suffering.

Someone asked me why I'm still here... the answer is simple: I don't want to be used as a school assembly.

What do you call a disabled Asian?

Sum Ting Wong.

Your hairline is so far back I learned about it in history class.

If being ugly was a crime, you would get a life sentence.

What’s the difference between Stephen Hawking and a walkie talkie? He can’t walkie or talkie.

People sometimes ask me why I cut myself. I usually answer that at least I can scan my worth at the supermarket.

I told my girlfriend that the world is flat.

She said, "but the world is round."

I said, babe, you are my world.

I don’t know what’s worse: Finding bucket loads of porn on my dad’s laptop, or finding out he was in all of them.

What do you call an Asian receptionist?

Tai Ping.

Why did Logan Paul go to the suicide forest?

To see who's hanging around.

Gays: "I like men."

Straight: "I like women."

Bisexual: "A hole is a hole."

I have an EpiPen.

My friend gave it to me when he was dying.

It seemed really important to him that I have it.

Tried to kill myself today using a bungee cord, I kept ALMOST dying.

I threw a lamp at the depressed kid. I was just trying to brighten up his day.