Short jokes
They say making and having friends comes with some benefits. I guess you could say I have friends with benefits.
What's red all over and spins at 100 mps?
Baby in a blender.
What do you get if you eat sugar?
High.
Why did the toad cross the road?
To show his girlfriend he had guts.
Why did the man put himself on fire?
To BURN Calories.
Those were a-mug-zing jokes. They were Mugderful, and Mugjestic.
The doe comes out of the woods, shakes herself, and says,
"I can't believe I did that for 2 bucks!"
Landing on its feet won't help a cat in China...
When you're in the middle of a test and you hear gun shots.
What do you call a guy in a wheelchair that lives with the royal family?
Rolls Royce.
Want to save 50% on your Chinese?
Just ask before you pay.
Been learning Chinese...
69 is too-can-chew.
What is the difference between a woman and ice? The ice always comes back.
I'm as straight as a rainbow.
Your hairline design was used as the Batman logo!
Me walking in to the office:
Principal: Tell me what you did?
Me: I told the special ed kid that the 4th story window was an end portal...
How To Kill A Blonde 101:
First Step: Get a pool.
Second Step: Put a scratch-and-sniff at the bottom.
What's the difference between a blonde chick and Alzheimer's?
None, because they both forget a lot.
What is a dog's favorite music?
Pup rock
The bands Def Leppard and Blind Melon did a collaboration.
They called the song “Helen Keller.”