Short jokes
Boi, you can't be talking because if someone punched you in the face, you will be the one to apologize.
Dirty Joke: A boy fell in the mud.
Clean Joke: He took a bath with bubbles.
Dirty Joke: Bubbles was the girl next door.
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, because they beat the room for being dark, then arrest the room for being broke.
Q: What's the difference between me and a priest? A: A priest isn't turned on by dead children.
How do emos like their meat cooked?
Medium rawr.
Q: Why did the emo kid get jealous on Xmas?
A: He saw the ornaments hanging.
Africa has every type of gun but one...
A water gun.
Yo mama's so fat that Jane Goodall couldn't tell if she was a chimpanzee or a human being.
How old are 9/11 victims?
"There, toddlers, here come the airplane!"
Your mama is so fat that when she sat down on the couch for a family picture, it was just her.
When you were born, you were so ugly that the doctors slapped your parents!
What's the difference between soccer and a dead baby?
I don't wear steel cap boots when I play soccer.
New skin unlocked: Blood splatter!
(Obtained by running over 69 children.)
How did the guys with Down syndrome split the dinner bill? They all made a down payment.
What did Jesus say when they removed the nails from his hands?
"Feet! Feet!"
A boy went to a doctor, and the doctor said, "I can't treat you." The boy asked why, and the doctor said, "Because I'm a family doctor."
What did the orphan say to his dad last?
Please get non-fat milk!
So, I saw two homeless people on the road fighting. I said, "Stop fighting and go home." I guess it was a little insensitive.
Uma Thurman's optometrist must have wide glasses sometimes.
Why did the dwarf get a job at Lidl?
Because every Lidl helps.