Short jokes
I once had clothes that were so unbearably uncomfortable,
but I never realized they suited me.
What do Mexicans cut their pizza with? A Little Caesars.
How do you start a Mexican bedtime story?
Juans upon a time.
What does Santa say for the toys to go to bed?
"Time to hit the sack!"
What's the worst thing you can say to a widow?
"I'm sorry, I just had to."
I just wish I went on a date with Ariana Grande, and then everybody knew I fucked Ariana Grande.
Why is a brick always hard? Because the Indians played with it enough.
I come in from work to see my wife dead on the sofa. As I unzip for one last ride, she says, "BOO!" What kind of a dick fuck does that!
What’s the difference between a cat and a frog?
A cat has nine lives, and a frog croaks every day.
2k14 was so realistic when I switched to Kobe, the pass button stopped working.
I'd make a masturbation joke.
But they always get out of hand.
Where did the school kittens go for their field trip?
To the mew-seum!
Why did the orphan rob the bank?
Because he/she wanted to be wanted!
Dad: Ok kids, this selfie will just be me! *screen cracks*
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?
An apple gets picked.
If you feel sad, or you feel that you are not loved... You're with mushroom pizza.
Imagine you are getting eaten by an alligator. What do you do?
Stop imagining!
I was walking and I saw a girl crying, and she told me to take her dollhouse and I asked why. She said because I don't have one.
My dad said people shouldn’t get ribbons just for participating because it rewards them for losing.
So I took down his confederate flag.
Does an orphanage have daddy issues?
Yes, because he didn't come back from getting the milk.