Short jokes

Some of the best comedians mimic people. I mimic my shadow.

A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Wow, I've never served a weasel before, what can I get you?" "Pop," goes the weasel.

The lunch lady gave me only one carrot. I didn't carrot all.

Play dead, they said.

Wasn't too hard.

I've been dead inside for years.

Why didn't the drummer play?

Because he got a percussion.

What dinosaur loves music?

The velociRAPtor!

Stormtrooper: Hey Palpatine! Luke is Vader's son.

Palpatine: Knew it.

Why did the cumulonimbus not show up for work?

Because it was on strike.

Someone threw a cup at my eye. I told 911 that I was mugged.

I once did an exam on rainbows. I passed with flying colors.

I still remember my dad's last words: "Don't worry son, Allah will be pleased."

Ya gotta hand it to short people...

My hips can't move, but Heineken.

What do you call a skeleton's omelet?

A bonelet.

My teacher started talking about houses, then I said I don't want that informansion.

You should never date a prospector. They're all just gold diggers.

There was an oil spill in the ocean. Now the ocean can't see!

Knowing how to pick locks has really opened a lot of doors for me.

Why was the sheep arrested?

Because he did a "ewe" turn on a motorway.

My friend David lost his ID.

Now he is just Dav.